When I was looking through pictures of Henry on my phone for his birthday post, I realized just how fond I am of this horse. Not only for his attributes as an athlete, but mostly because of his general every day qualities and fantastic character. The things you wouldn’t really put in a sale ad, as it were, but the things that make you happy to be around them on a day to day basis.

What are the “little things” about your horse that you’re so fond of?

The most obvious one for Henry is his pro-level Derp Face. He plays with his tongue almost constantly while he’s in the crossties, so he looks extraordinarily derpy most of the time.  
Until he thinks you have a cookie, that is. He learned the head tilt thing from Halo.

It’s also pretty cute how he meets me in the pasture 99% of the time when he sees me coming (even though I know it’s mostly because he wants cookies).

Henry is a great traveler. He loads well, he rides well, he eats and drinks great, and he’s well-behaved in new places. This is a fantastic quality when you’re on the road a lot.

He’s not spooky. Well ok, let me amend that statement. He’s not spooky about things that horses are typically spooky about. Traffic, loose horses, tractors, etc – all good. But when he feels like being cheeky, all bets are off, and the more mundane the object is (grass, bushes, and jumps outside of the arena are his favorites) the scarier it is. Logic, he gots it. But most of the time I can count on him to not be an idiot in situations where it really matters.

And last but certainly not least – Henry and I both have similar feelings about Bobby.

I can’t resist a Deliverance quote. Sorry not sorry.

On Monday Henry had his annual dental appointment. Or as I like to call it – the good ol’ teeth’n’sheath. He will not, under any non-heavily-drugged circumstances, let me anywhere near his sheath, so I always have the vet do it when they do his teeth. I don’t want to die, thanks.

Henry’s jaw doesn’t totally line up right, so every time I’ve gotten his teeth done he’s always had a hook on one side. The first time it was a HUGE hook. The second time it was a moderate hook. This time it was a small hook. I think having good regular dental maintenance has made a big difference.

When the dentist strapped on her headlamp and took a look she said “He’s got a pretty mouth!”. Granted, maybe she just says that to all the boys.

After his teeth were done she swung open a couple of the slats on the side of the stock (which is the coolest mobile stock ever, btw) and went to town on his sheath. Once that business started Henry just kept glaring at me.

But overall it was done pretty quickly. No bean, a nice squeaky clean sheath, pretty teeth, and hopefully he’s good to go for another year. I’m pretty sure he flipped me the bird when I turned him back out though. Horses just don’t appreciate the ways in which we spend stupid amounts of money on them.

There have been several bloggers lately writing about taking a minute to appreciate the small victories, or celebrate the good work they’ve done with their horses in general. I thought Lindsey’s post was a really good read, and it instigated a lot of self reflection on my part. This is kind of a tricky topic to talk about, so bear with me here. I haven’t really worked all the way through my own feelings about it yet, thus this is mostly just rambling about all the things that went through my head. Brace yourselves.

While I don’t think I’m a totally glass-half-empty person, I do think that I’m my own worst critic. I’m not good at genuinely believing that I’ve done a great job. But it also seems to me that, while no one wants to be (or listen to) the person who is constantly saying “go me”, I can see some benefit in being able to, every once in a while, celebrate our small victories.

Honestly, I’m a bit jealous of people who are capable of that genuine “go me” mentality and have the ability to pat themselves on the back. It seems like it would make things a little bit lighter and more rewarding. But it also seems like it’s just not in me at all. I can’t think of a single time where I got off my horse and felt like I’d done a really outstanding job. An adequate job, yes. Even a good job (and good is a really hard word to get out of me) on rare occasions, but I’m always acutely aware of the things I could have and should have done better. I think my most often-used positive self-descriptive word is probably “decent”. The idea of telling people that I thought I’ve done really well is even borderline mortifying to me. In my world, that’s just not something you say. At least not in situations where it’s intended to be serious, instead of laced heavily with sarcasm and self-ridicule.

I’ve heard, in other aspects of life, that it’s easy to be satisfied with what you’re doing until you know just what something truly outstanding looks like. Once you get a glimpse of outstanding, your bar is forever raised. I’ve been around a lot of good horses and a lot of good riders, and while it’s not really fair to compare myself to them, I can’t help but to keep them as my bar. Which also means that basically my bar is perpetually out of reach. Usually if I’m celebrating a job well done, it’s because my horse was amazing and he deserves the praise. What I remember about my own performance is all the things I could have done better. When I sit here and reflect on how far we’ve come, while I do think we’ve come a long way, my very next thought is “I wonder where he’d be by now if I’d done x y z better, or if he had a better rider”. And in a lot of ways, that’s what motivates me every day to try to be better.

I’ll be honest, it sounds weird to me when someone says “I rode really well” or “I kicked ass”. Maybe someday I’ll be good enough to where I’ll feel like I can legitimately say that (probably not, because unless I’m suddenly Buck Davidson type status I could never see those words coming from my mouth) but right now it’s completely unfathomable. I wish I could walk away from something feeling impressed enough with myself to say that, but I’m too busy running through my mind every moment where my performance was inadequate. Sometimes that gets a little tiring, and it’s easy for me to feel defeated, but it seems to be my nature.

I’ll also be honest and say that I’ve found that I’m a little judgmental of someone who heaps self-praise upon themselves. I just can’t help but see it through my “it could have been better” eyes. And my mindset really makes zero sense, because I could even be thinking “Man, she did a GREAT job there” but as soon as that person starts praising themselves, I’m like “Well, hold on a minute now, Kanye…”.

I can’t even tell you why I have this mentality. I’m a pretty confident person. I don’t think I totally suck at riding. I don’t think I’m a hugely negative person in general. I would like to say that it’s just a side effect of always striving to do better and to be better, but I really don’t think that’s true. Maybe it’s a humility thing? Not a clue there either. I didn’t really even realize I felt this way until I starting seeing it and realized that my first knee jerk reaction to it was that it made me uncomfortable. Ah, the things we learn about ourselves…

Where do you guys stand on this? Do you think self-praise is a good thing or a bad thing? To what extent and how often? Do you have a pretty easy time congratulating yourself on a job well done, or are you more hyper-critical? And more importantly, why do you think you have that outlook? Rider psychology, you are a tricky thing.

Yep, that’s right… somebody turned 9 years old on Saturday.

9 seems so much older than 8. Henry is not really a young horse anymore, he’s in his prime. He can’t be particularly green anymore at this point. All of his growth plates are definitely closed. He’s been to a lot of shows and hauled all over the place since I got him. He’s quickly moving into “pro” territory.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve had a horse this age. It’s kind of strange to no longer have the built in “baby brain” and “green horse” thing in the back of my mind all the time. But it’s also pretty fun to have one at this stage of his life/career too. Henry is very consistent, he’s gotten used to taking a joke, and he’s started to develop a bit of a been-there-done-that air about him. After so many young green horses, it’s nice to finally enjoy one that is a little bit past that.

He was a little mad at me on Saturday morning because I showed up to take him to our lesson right when all of his friends were getting turned out. I stuck him in the round pen while I packed the trailer and he ran around like a total idiot. Older, but not wiser.

He hauled like a champ though and is getting really good at hanging out at the trailer and being chill about the whole thing. Usually he lets out one big neigh when I unload him (to announce his presence, I must assume) and then he munches his hay.

The lesson went pretty well, I can’t complain about his performance, but I have no media and therefore will not bore you with a recap. The weather was GORGEOUS though… 75 degrees and sunny. To cap off his birthday weekend he’s getting drunk today… because he’s getting his teeth done. Happy Birthday Henry!