If you spend any amount of time walking courses with other people, it seems like everyone has certain fences they like and certain fences they don’t like. Sometimes there’s a good reason for it, like perhaps you tried to stick your face through a rolltop once or you fell in a ditch and thought they may as well just go ahead and bury you in there. Other times there doesn’t have to be a real reason, it’s just a natural aversion.

Bobby, for instance, hates Trakehners. He can’t even look at one. Weldon’s Wall’s too. Basically anything with a ditch you can end up in, he’s not on board with it… can’t say as I blame him. I think he actually ended up in a ditch once, but I don’t remember the whole story.

If you walk the course with me, you’ll notice there are certain things I really don’t make eye contact with. While I don’t mind trakehners, like Bobby I really don’t like Weldon’s Walls. Horses tend to jump them great, but there’s something about combination of the width, the height, and the depth that has me wanting to vomit.

The other thing that I hate the most, always, unequivocally, are the big square tables. Especially with a square front edge. I can’t help it, I always imagine a horse catching a knee and flipping over it. Also they tend to be stupid wide, which my stomach still has a bit of trouble processing. For some reason adding brush to the top of it does make me like it more though, hoping it will help encourage a little more lift, even though it makes it look even Stupid-er Big-ger than it already was.

Those aren’t the most logical jumps to hate, really. Horses tend to jump them both really well, and you can just keep galloping forward to both and jump them out of stride. There’s nothing technical or tricky about either of them. My brain knows this, but it still doesn’t stop me from hating them. Logic doesn’t apply.

Also not the biggest fan of upbanks after I tried to kill myself on one at Chatt. I feel like pretty much everyone has a “falling up the bank” story sooner or later. I would rather jump down a bank a few dozen times than jump up it once, to be honest. I still clearly remember the show when there were 3, count em THREE, upbanks on course. Shudder.

For stadium, I cringe hard every time I see a big square oxer as the first fence, especially if it’s off of a long approach. Come on guys, I have a hard enough time with stadium already, throw me a bone.

On the flip side, there are certain jumps that I really love, also probably for no real logical reason. You can make a rolltop as big and wide as you want, and I’ll still jump it. I dunno why but that nice curved top just seems so inviting – in contrast to the sharp ugly death edge of a square table.

I also really like anything with a dropped landing.

If the ground falls away quickly on the landing side, or if the landing side is significantly lower than the take-off side, I love it. I have no actual reason for this except that I think they’re are super fun. It’s like WHEEEEE jumping down into the abyss. Extra bonus points if you’re landing in water, because splashing. Duh. Same goes for jumps IN the water.

I like brush too, because I can say to myself “the brush doesn’t really count” and ta-da, the jump is instantly smaller.

What do I like in stadium? I dunno, whichever one is the last freaking jump.

What about you? What types of fences do you love, and which ones do you want to burn to the ground (not that I’ve ever actually imagined doing that to a Weldon’s Wall or anything…)? H/J people, this totally applies to you, too. Let’s talk about how not logical our brains are!

Eventers – we are an eclectic bunch. Spend a day standing out in cross country warmup and you’ll see every color of the rainbow, sometimes all on one horse, and probably at least a little bit of glitter. Coming from h/j-land it took a little while for my eyeballs to get used to this, but now I can’t help but appreciate it. I’m a firm believer in the “this is supposed to be fun” aspect of horse showing, and if decking yourself out in head to toe hot pink for XC makes you even a little bit happier, I say go for it. It might not be to my own personal taste, but you have to appreciate the individuality of it, especially in a sport that is otherwise so traditional and boring. Plus, like… if we’re being forced to do dressage and stadium, I fully believe that we’ve earned the right to wear whatever the fuck we want when we get to cross country and are galloping at solid fences.

I’m a much more boring person when it comes to color, with a deeply ingrained love of navy, but I’ve tried to inject at least a modicum of fun into it. Like, you know… little bits of yellow. Give me some credit, that’s a lot for an aesthetically dull person. Nothing makes my heart happier than a nice crisp, clean, contrasting navy and white. Just like half of the entire eventing population these days, apparently. So I added the little touches of yellow to at least try to be 5% different from the masses.

While I don’t think I’ll ever break from my love of a relatively sedate color scheme (Presto’s colors are navy and dark green, so…), one “out there” thing that I’ve always secretly kind of liked are pompoms on XC helmet covers. I don’t know why, I can’t even explain it, but there’s just something about a pompom that says “I’m here to party”. They were pretty popular way back in the day, and while they never really seemed to go out of style in the UK, you don’t see them here very much anymore.

I’ve always kind of thought that there are two unspoken rules for pompom wearing:

1) you must be under the age of 15.

or

2) you must be a mothafuckin badass.

I have a few friends that rock the Pom and they are most decidedly the latter. They’re are definitely 100% here to party AND they don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. They’re serious about what they’re doing, of course, but they never take themselves too seriously. Those are the people I want to hang out with, almost without fail. Is it the Pom that does it, or is that particular personality type just attracted to the Pom? Is there a club that I don’t know about? How do I apply for membership? Is the first rule of Pom Club that you can’t talk about Pom Club?

I admittedly have serious doubts about whether or not I am cool enough to rock the Pom. A unicorn stock tie, sure. No one can really see that. But a pompom… that’s some next level shit. Everyone can see it. From real far away. You gotta be super secure about your badassery as a person if you’re gonna rock one of those as an adult, because there is nothing subtle about it. But lately I’ve stared with increasing jealously at other people’s Poms, and blurted out a weird and I’m sure exceedingly creepy-sounding “I LOVE YOUR POMPOM” anytime I see someone wearing one.

Although I’m still waffling on a bit on whether or not I can actually pull it off, Trainer did grant me official permission to wear the Pom. I have it in writing, so is that enough to get me into Pom Club or do I need more references?

And THEN, once you decide that you ARE brave enough to let your freak flag fly and wear the Pom, how do you pick one? Do you go for a small one or a big one? A yarn one or a fur one? How the hell do you pick a color?

They even make helmet covers with changeable poms, so you can switch it around depending on your mood, or even take it off entirely if you wuss out. This is the most attractive option to me, although they all come in color sets and I don’t like any of the sets. Still, I’m sure the idea could be easily modified for a DIY version of changeable poms with my existing helmet cover.

I’m not very cool, but am I cool enough to rock the Pom? I don’t know. Jury’s still out. But, um… anyone know where I can find a Pom Club application?

Well guys, if I still did the hunters I’d officially be an older amateur today. Ok USEF does ages differently, not on actual birthday, but still. Luckily eventing gives it’s age groups way better titles, and on different ages, so I’m still a few years away from my “Master” title. Which, btw, seriously h/j y’all should adopt our age group terminology, MASTER sounds awesome. Anyway, its a weird age. I’m now closer to 40 than I am to 30. I’ve been an adult for half my life. That’s baffling to me, because sometimes I still find myself looking around for an actual adult.

I’m also lining up some relatively life-altering plans at the moment, ones that will change my horse situation and my living situation alike. It’s a really good opportunity for me, and I think will help lead to a lot more “adultier” things down the road, especially from the financial aspect. It’s really exciting, we’ll talk about it eventually. Well ok it’s a little overwhelming and daunting right now, because there’s a lot to do, but… it’ll be good. I’m going to be cleaning out my entire house over the next couple months, so brace yourselves for lots of stuff for sale or giveaway.

Since it’s Monday, that means a work day for me. It’s not even fun to play hooky on your birthday and go do horse things when it’s hotter than the 7th circle of hell.

So, no real riding today, but I’m definitely at least going to go give the boys some treats (I’ve been saving their Snacks 5th Avenchew donuts for a special occasion, why not today?) and hose them off. August in Texas is really boring.

I did get to spend lots of time at the barn this weekend though, so that counts for something. I got there early so that it was… slightly less hot… and rode Henry, gave baths, doctored Presto’s nasty ass (literally), and gave more baths.

Presto’s hematoma is (KNOCK ON WOOD) looking good. We were thinking at the end of last week that we might have to put a drain in, but the beauty of living on the vet’s property is that he can walk out to the barn every morning and make sure the little cut is still open, and massage the fluid out. Presto doesn’t seem to care, so it only takes a minute. He’s had to reopen it a couple times, but every day there is less and less fluid, so that’s a good sign. I wash it every day and massage more fluid out myself, which is relatively satisfying. The hematoma is only about the size of a fist now.

Last week I put some pebbles into plastic jugs and hung them in his stall as toys. I wasn’t sure he’d play with them, since he totally ignored a jolly ball, but boy oh boy. He stands there for hours and shakes and bites and tosses those things. I figured putting pebbles in there might make them loud enough for him to actually like them, since he’s into MAXIMUM CHAOS (man, I really missed a naming opportunity there…) and I was right.

Thank goodness you can’t really hear them that well over the noise of the fans or the barn owner might want to kill me by now. It’s kept him busy though on these hot afternoons when he’s stuck inside. I might need to keep collecting jugs though, because I have a feeling he’ll destroy them all relatively quickly. And I did end up having to tie them a bit lower, because he learned how to throw them over the stall wall and scare the shit out of the minis in the stall next to him. I think he likes to watch them scatter.

Henry did some flatwork on Saturday and got to jump a little on Sunday, plus he consumed an entire bag of carrots in 2 days. He’s happy. He’s really eager to work and feels fantastic, so I’m kind of itching to get back to our regular schedule. But… he’s also not handling this extreme heat very well in the afternoons/evenings, so we’ll keep waiting to actually do anything “for real”. I’m ready to fast forward to September.

I hope it’s less hot wherever you are!

Just me or has this been the longest week ever? I thought yesterday was Friday for most of the day so that was a massive disappointment. I hate when that happens.

Not that it really matters, because it’s supposed to be like 105 here all weekend. I’m over it and it’s not even mid-August. Send help.

Anyway, this week has certainly been interesting in my little world. Dramatic, but interesting. The highlights for me were two-fold, and the fact that they’re my “highlights” is probably pretty telling about the week as a whole.

First of all, I noticed that Riding Warehouse is carrying Quick Knots now. You used to have to order them from Europe and wait.wait.wait., but NOT ANYMORE, friends! Granted, I’m still working through the original package that I bought over a year ago. And I probably won’t need anymore for like… another year. But still, I’ve bought a few for friends now and the wait is always a little annoying. I’ve become a total Quick Knot convert (because lazy. so incredibly lazy.) so it’s exciting to me that they’re now easily and readily available, and for cheaper. It’s the little things, y’all. I do a little happy dance every time I don’t sew in a f*(%!#g braid. Thank you, overpriced paperclips. Worth every penny.

But, I have to say, I think the best thing of the week for me has been the video that I got from the vet on Wednesday morning. Remember Presto’s little hematoma from last week? LOL. Yeah well, over the weekend it went very suddenly from the size of a tennis ball to the size of a watermelon. It. Was. Nasty. I’ve never seen one that big with my own two eyeballs. Of course, he happened to do that over the few days when the vet was out of town. Horses. They have a sixth sense for when to require veterinary care, I think. As soon as the vet got home, he came out first thing the next morning and lanced it.

And, y’all.

O. M. G.

If you’re easily grossed out, do not watch this video. But if you’re ready for some of that pimple popping shit on steroids, you have to see this. I’ve watched it no less than 100 times.

This isn’t even all of it, it had been flowing for a while before he started filming (you can see way up on Presto’s hip where it started), and then after he stopped filming he had to keep massaging more fluid out. It’s so nasty. It’s so fascinating. I have to say, if you’re gonna get a $215 vet bill, it’s nice to at least get a great video out of it.

True to form, Presto has been a good patient. He’ll let you massage it (or as I like to call it – milk it) and clean the drain cut just standing in his stall without a halter on. The vet left the hole open to drain but it seems to keep closing up quickly (by now Presto is an expert in healing himself, I guess), so we might have to put a drain in today. We’ll see. It’s already back down to tennis ball size again, but it’s going to need to be able to keep draining freely for a while as it heals.

Horses, am I right?

In less disgusting news, for anyone who was interested in those Premier Equine merino wool pads, they’re back on sale again this weekend, 20% off. For Americans, VAT is removed once you go through checkout so they’ll end up even cheaper, too. Like $52.

Another highlight of the week for me in bloglang came from Meg, who wrote what I thought was a really great post about how horses think and what it means when it comes to how we relate to them. If you read one thing this week, it should be that. It’s a good reminder to all of us to always remember the big picture.

Last but not least, thanks to everyone who reached out to talk after yesterday’s blog post. I’ve been on the fence for a while about throwing my opinion out there on this issue, and didn’t after the Rob Gage turmoil, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that our industry is in this situation now partly because we haven’t talked about things openly enough. Also, I’ll be honest, I was frustrated as hell. It’s been enlightening for me in a lot of ways, whether we agree on this particular subject or not. I’ve had some really great conversations with some of you, especially the younger contingent on Instagram. Trainers and industry professionals, too. Groups I never would have expected. This is a tough topic, very emotionally charged, but it isn’t going to go away so we have to figure out a way through. Thanks for being open to having the conversation with me, it’s been really helpful.

Boy oh boy have I been able to do some thinning of my facebook friends this week. I’m just gonna throw this out there, but if your response to someone being set down for sexual misconduct with a child is to petition to have SafeSport disbanded (I do think its kind of funny that people are submitting a petition to the very same government that put SafeSport in place, though. The irony. It kills.), or to blame the victim for not coming forward before now (what makes you think they didn’t?), or to make excuses like “it was a different time” or “it was a long time ago” (newsflash, molesting kids was illegal then too), or to try to give someone a free pass because of “all they’ve done for the sport”, I’m not interested in maintaining a friendship. Maybe that seems harsh, but if you’re a child abuse apologist and sympathizer, then well… that’s all I’ve got to say about that. That’s the only black and white part of all this.

Whether or not GM actually did it, we don’t know for sure. I’m not here to debate that or spread gossip about who said what when. We aren’t privy to the details, nor are we entitled to them. Guilt or innocence doesn’t even matter for that particular ethics debate. As soon as you start making excuses for child abuse or blaming the victims, we’re done here. I admittedly can’t wrap my head around this “I Stand with George” facebook group either. How can you possibly stand with (or against) a particular person when you have no idea what all the investigation uncovered? That’s not support, that’s blind hero worship, and that’s dangerous. That’s how we got here in the first place. Keep in mind that this was the exact same reaction when Larry Nassar was outed, by the way. If you still haven’t listened to the Believed podcast, I’m starting to feel like it should be a requirement. None of us have any idea what goes on in private, even with our closest friends.

Now, setting aside the ethics debate, if you’ve got SafeSport policy or process concerns, then I 100% get it. There seems to be a lot of confusion out there about SafeSport, how it works, what the process is, what it’s job is, and how it relates to USEF. It is certainly not a perfect system by any means. None is. Look at our exceptionally messy judicial system. But I’m pretty sure if I have to repeat the line “USEF is not the one that made this decision” one more time, my head is just gonna explode. If you don’t even understand which organization does what, much less what they’re doing and how, you should probably do some reading before you comment.

People also don’t seem to understand the difference between a criminal charge and a private organization’s sanction, and what constitutional rights (or statute of limitations, due process, or burden of proof) apply to which scenario. Please people, do some research. It’s all online. Handy dandy SafeSport flow chart is here. SafeSport Code is here. FAQ’s are here. USEF SafeSport policy and MAAP guidelines (with specifics) are here. SafeSport responses to specific questions and concerns put forth by the horse community are here. That should be enough to get you started. If you want to complain about it, great, no problem, but at least understand what you’re saying.

I know that most people won’t read any of that. They aren’t interested in understanding, they’re interested in reacting. Which… ok, fine. But what I have a major concern with is the industry professionals and trainers who don’t seem to understand any of this, nor seem to want to. Especially the ones that are standing here saying that SafeSport is going to destroy the industry, or that they simply cannot operate their businesses under these impossible constraints.

I’m gonna be really blunt and unpopular for a second here.

Welcome. To. The. Real. World.

Look, y’all. It is 2019. It doesn’t matter if you’re a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a janitor, a rocket scientist, an IT professional, a cashier at Walmart, or (now) a horse trainer. You can be removed from your job or have your licensing taken away at any time, for any multitude of reasons. My HR department could literally pull me in today and fire me. The sports world has never had an HR department, until now. The best way to avoid losing your job? Learn how to act like a damn professional. Learn how to make your business practices comply with society’s standard of conduct. Other sports are doing it. It’s possible, I promise. Is it a change? Yup. Does it require some restructuring of a lot of programs? Probably. This business has been flying under the radar for a long time, and look what kind of culture we’ve allowed to foster and go unchecked for decades, both towards horses and towards people. Clearly we needed something like SafeSport to police us, since we’ve been unsuccessful at doing it ourselves. The truth is, a lot more big names are going to fall from grace before SafeSport is done cleaning house. There is a very ugly underbelly to our industry, and we’re past due to pay the piper.

It’s bothering the hell out of me to see so many trainers choosing to go after SafeSport rather than seeking to understand it, or seeking to clarify it, or reaching out and asking questions, or, if they’re so compelled, trying to champion SS reform. I get it, people are running scared. The common panicked exclamation is “One client with a grudge and my career is destroyed”. Not true. Unless said claimant can substantiate their claim in such a way that the investigators think that what they’re saying is likely to have occurred, no action will be taken. Furthermore, if said claimant is found to have knowingly filed a false claim, they themselves can be sanctioned. Even furthermore, lifetime bans are reserved for only the most severe of offenses, usually involving sexual misconduct with a minor. You aren’t going to get banned for making a kid do push-ups. Everybody is being a little overdramatic. I have to give a lot of props to Kristin Hardin, she’s one of the few I’ve seen that actually seems to get what’s at stake here.

SafeSport doesn’t have to be the enemy here unless you want it to be. People might hate that they have to get with the times, or resist change, but the truth is, it’s going to happen anyway whether it’s SafeSport or someone else. There is no going back. Following SafeSport guidelines will actually protect the industry professionals too, if we let it. We live in a pretty litigious society, you would be wise to protect yourself.

Now, if you don’t like something about the SafeSport process – fair enough. There are plenty of holes in any process. Learn it. Get involved. Ask questions. If there need to be changes, find out how reform can happen. But SafeSport isn’t going away, and resisting it isn’t good for any of us. It’s up to us to figure out how to make this work. I also think it’s really important to remember why it exists in the first place. The mission statement: Our mission is to make athlete well-being the centerpiece of our nation’s sports culture. All athletes deserve to participate in sports free from bullying, hazing, sexual misconduct or any form of emotional or physical abuse. 

If you can’t get behind that, you don’t belong in any sport, and especially not in a position of power. Period. Full stop.