I took the morning off work, we got a solid VP pick yesterday, and it’s my birthday – so, I’ve made the executive decision that today is just a bunch of rando positive or funny things and the “real content” (as real as it ever gets around here these days) can return tomorrow.

The SO’s parents sent me an amazon gift card for my birthday, which I took as a sign from the gods to order Presto his pool. I’d been wavering on it because I’m super grumpy about knowingly overpaying for things, but these stupid pools are sold out everywhere at their regular price. Technically the gift card isn’t my money, right? And I feel like his parents would enjoy Presto having a pool, right? So I ordered it. We’ll see where this leads. It’s 120″ of inflatable fun, let’s just hope it lasts at least 30mins before he puts a hole in it.

His rubber chicken hasn’t arrived yet though, judging by the tracking someone must be walking it across America on foot. Oh well, we’ll make due with just the pool for now.

The only thing I actually asked for this year was candles. Which… I’m not a candle girl at all, that’s way out of character for me and definitely the first time I’ve ever genuinely wanted one. But I found Gay Guy Candle Co and honestly it’s everything I didn’t know I was missing. I was going to order them for myself for the new house (because let’s be honest, these are decor level candles) but I figured the SO might relish the opportunity to not have to buy me horse stuff for once. I was correct.

Who knew I was a fan of candles?

My green dye also arrived yesterday, so I could attempt to fix that shirt that I made really bright blue and hated. I wanted to go more teal.

I didn’t need much of the green, only about half a tablespoon did the job.

Granted, I hated the bright blue so much that I added a pinch more green just to make sure it was well and truly dead. So my teal is perhaps a bit more on the green side, but I’m 100% okay with that. This is much improved. My eyeballs no longer bleed when I look at it.

My dye collection is growing, I now have plenty of leftover Navy, Emerald, and Pink. Yet… nothing left to dye. Woe is me.

Last but not least, I dunno who @sagebrushsoul is on TikTok, but she is hi-larious. If you have it, you should follow her. I slightly personalized this one, because she’s got both of my horses nailed to a T. This (combined with the fact that Trump wants to ban it) is almost enough to sway me to sign up for TikTok.

 

Usually I buy myself something nice for my birthday, like… a saddle. Or a coat. Or a bridle. Or some boots. This year I really don’t need anything and I spent a good hunk of money on the tiny house down payment, so I suppose that will have to count as my birthday splurge.

I’m off to the barn this morning, and may or may not stop at my favorite Mexican restaurant on my way home and get chips and queso for lunch. You can’t judge me, it’s my birthday. Those are the rules.

Hope everyone is having a good week!

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, the story about my most horrific riding injury won the Wanker of the Week title from my favorite equestrian podcast. The cool thing about it is that you don’t just win the title, you also win a ribbon. A really really sparkly AF ribbon, or as the Buckoff Banter ladies call it – a “frilly”. I’m assuming this is the British horse person slang for what they otherwise call a rosette, and honestly I’m not sure why we can’t steal that vernacular from them (along with my other favorite British word “numpty”) because frilly sounds way better than ribbon.

Anyway, I totally forgot about the frilly and it was quite the amazing surprise last week when I pulled that envelope out of my mailbox and opened it. Y’all, you could blind somebody with this thing. It fits in really well with my other special ribbons, though. I’m amassing a collection over here. And honestly I’m a wanker at least once a week every week, so this might be the most fitting frilly yet.

Case in point: the thing that happened to me a couple hours after I pulled said Wanker of the Week frilly out of my mailbox. Let me set the scene.

It was last Friday, and I was headed out to the barn in the morning to squeeze in a quick ride. I’d had a thousand Skype and Team meetings the day before (ok maybe a thousand is a slight exaggeration but I’m a wanker so lets just go with it), more coming that afternoon, I was tired, it was hot… my brain was just kind of done. I couldn’t muster the mental fortitude that a dressage ride requires with Henry, so I tossed my saddle and sidepull on him instead and headed out toward the hacking trail in the back for a nice easy decompressing canter.

As we set off I thought “ya know what would make this even better? Some tunes!” so I pulled my phone out of my pocket, pulled up Spotify, and scrolled through my playlists. I was kind of stuck deciding between a couple different ones, so I opened them up and was looking at the songs when I got a face full of tree. See, I wasn’t paying any attention to where Henry was walking, and naturally he walked right under a low branch. Luckily it was mostly just a lot of leaves, so no harm done I thought. He kept walking, I kept scrolling.

As we emerged onto the hacking path and turned right, I finally picked my playlist, clicked on it, and was putting my phone back in my pocket when WHAM. Right through another low-hanging branch. I’m starting to think Henry does this on purpose when I’m not paying attention because this one wasn’t even in our path, he had to step to the side to scrape me through it. But again, mostly just leaves, so whatever.

We keep walking, me finally taking a deep breath and settling in for a nice hack. I glance down and notice an ant on my leg. Huh, weird. I brush it off, and then notice another one. And then another one. And then realized they were on both legs, and my saddle, and my saddle pad. Then one dropped off the brim of my helmet right around the time I felt a sharp sting and burn in my shirt. And that’s when it finally clicked – one of the trees I went through must have had fire ants on it, and they were now deposited all over me.

So I did what any self-respecting, dignified person would do. I removed my helmet, pulled my shirt off, and swung it around my head ala Petey Pablo. It was full of fire ants, one does what one must do in such a situation. Luckily I was way out in the back where there were no witnesses (that I know of) but I’ll be honest I probably would have done the same thing even if there were people around. Anyway, I got them all out of my shirt and sports bra and helmet, made sure they were all brushed off of my saddle, put my shirt and helmet back on, and resumed my ride. Other than 5-6 fire ant bites, no harm no foul. I swear I could hear Henry cackling. Guess that’ll teach me to pay attention to where I’m going instead of messing with my phone. I’d say lesson learned but… did I really learn? Did I? Only time will tell.

I’m definitely a wanker all over again though. This numpty needs another frilly.

I’m starting to think that I’ve been doing the horse thing all wrong before now. I’m convinced that there’s no better combination than having a relatively “made”, mature (well… not always mentally) horse and a total neon-green bean at the same time. The experienced horse so that you can keep yourself tuned up as a rider, and the green horse because they’re just the most fun and rewarding thing in the world. This is definitely the way to do it.

I’ve settled into a routine now with our modified summer schedule (it’s so hot, I literally had a salty ass print on my saddle yesterday from all the sweat). Tuesdays are bareback rides with Henry, sometimes we go for a canter on the hacking path in the back, sometimes we go do flatwork in the dressage arena, but it’s always bareback and bitless. It’s fun and “light” and it always works the heck out of my core and helps stretch out my hips, which are used to spending most of their time in a jump saddle with short stirrups. Bareback has been my jam since I got that Brockamp pad (totally worth the splurge, 0 regrets).

On Wednesdays I ride Presto. Originally when I switched over to twice a week with him (which was only a few weeks ago) I was hacking him during the week and then doing his “real ride” on the weekend. But since I ride Henry on both weekend days, and he always gets the earlier time slot because ya know he can’t really breathe very well in the summer, that was pushing Presto’s ride later and I’d inevitably end up feeling like I was gonna die of heat stroke after 10 minutes of trotting. It quickly became evident that it made more sense to do Presto’s real ride on Wednesday when he’s the only horse I’m riding, and earlier in the morning, and do his walk hack on the weekend instead.

The week before last he did his first course of poles, so this past week I decided to up the ante and try riding him out in the grass jump field again. I tried to ride him out there once a while back (maybe ride 12 or so?) but it very quickly became evident that Presto just wasn’t quite there yet. That field is a little bit difficult with a super green horse, because 1) it’s on a bit of a slope, which is tricky when it comes to balance. 2) there are trees and jumps to maneuver around, you have to be able to make some S-shapes and leg yield at times to make a path in there if you’re moving faster than a walk. 3) there are some low hanging branches that make accurate steering VERY important. There’s a particular spot along one fence line where there is no margin of error when it comes to steering – if you’re off, you’re whacking into a branch (I’ve caught my shoulder on that thing before, it doesn’t feel nice).

Last time he just couldn’t do any of that yet really. I wasn’t totally sure that he’d be able to do it now, honestly, but I figured it was worth a shot. And spoiler alert: he did great.

Yeah, the balance comes and goes a little bit, but I had no problems maneuvering him around everything. I think riding him out there is really good for him, since he’s having to learn how to deal with the terrain and we’re constantly steering or leg yielding or half-halting or something. It gives him plenty to think about and engages his body without being unreasonably difficult. Even just in the 15 minutes I rode him, he was already starting to figure out how to rebalance himself on the downhill slopes. At the end I trotted him over a pole on the ground a few times, making the approach a little more challenging each time. He seems to get the idea of going to the pole.

I think I’ll be riding him out in the jump field more regularly now that I know he can handle it. The whole goal of riding him at all right now is to slowly build up his strength and balance, so that space fits the bill perfectly for helping develop those things.

On Fridays I usually do a dressage ride with Henry, but I was so brain-fried from work meetings that I just Could Not last Friday, so we cheated and went for a canter in the field instead. Whatever, it’s 2020, I can skip dressage day if I want to. Saturday I woke up with a jacked up back (from… sleeping? I’m officially at that age, I guess) so I just did some canter pole work with Henry and lunged Presto over some trot poles in the arena.

Sunday my back felt better enough for JOMPIES, Henry’s favorite day of the week.

We did a little warmup course with some square turns (someone has been a little bit arrogant lately and thinks that rebalancing and using his inside hind through the turns is totally optional. It is not.) and then did a course. Henry is still feeling super cocky right now, but he was more polite and adjustable even on the tight, slick downhill turn back to the barrels, so no complaints. Once the weather stops being ridiculously hot I’d like to get back to some jump lessons, but for now I’m glad to have the Pivo footage. I can make the next weekend’s jump plan by watching the previous week’s footage. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Plus I actually have plenty of media for the first time in my damn life.

After Henry’s jump school Presto went on his walk hack around the farm, accompanied by 5yo dressage horse Ella. Ella is not convinced that hacking is safe, especially when she’s alone. Presto led the way like a good boy (mostly) but he seemed dismayed when she just walked unceremoniously over the little runoff ditch that he always gleefully jumps. He’s pretty sure she was doing it wrong.

This week I have a bunch of work meetings that might mess with my newfound routine, but we’ll see how things unfold. Hope everyone had a good horsey weekend!

A few weeks ago, during the last triple digit heat wave, you guys may remember that the babies got their very own little splash pad in their pasture. Ollie loved it the most of course, and kept playing in it even as it slowly dried up and dwindled to nothing but a wee puddle of muck. But this week brought another major heat wave, so their splash pad got refilled, and this time with even more water. Now I think it’s officially graduated from a splash pad to their own private lake. And they are here for it.

Once everyone was settled in and re-introduced to the water, it wasn’t long before they were in it. At first Ollie was distracted by antagonizing Oakley…

so it took him a few minutes to notice the toys. A couple balls and a couple pool noodles, clearly placed there JUST FOR HIM!

Oakley came to check them out too, and while her back was turned Ollie tried to prank her.

Yeah, that didn’t work. All these babies are noodle-proof by now. So Ollie abandoned the yellow one and figured he’d try the red one instead.

And… yeah nope. That didn’t impress her either. In fact, she just slowly walked away and left him standing there alone holding his “scary” noodle.

Not one to be deterred for long, Ollie tried another tactic: a game of tag.

Except he forgot that it’s never really a good idea to antagonize a filly enough to make her chase you, so he did the only logical thing he could: ran to the other filly for protection.

Of course, Ellie had been in the middle of laying out by the lake, soaking up some vitamin D and having a bit of a snooze. She was not the most pleased about being interrupted.

Luckily Oakley had gotten distracted in her pursuit of Ollie anyway, and all was quickly forgotten.

Ollie eventually made his way back to the lake and continued to play by himself, running circles through it long after everyone else had gotten distracted or opted for a nap.

Not a bad way to ride out a heat wave, that’s for sure. I feel a little jealous of these babies sometimes.

Happy Friday, everyone!

So I get this text from the barn owner yesterday morning…

So the little boys had an epic night. I woke out of a dead sleep at 2:30 and got up trying to figure out what startled me. Looked out the back windows, nothing. So I got back in bed. But I woke J up who now needed to go to the bathroom. He goes down the hall to use the one in the hall, so as not to wake me if I fell back to sleep. And he’s back a few moments later saying, um there is a horse in the back yard. 

I throw on my PJ pants and run out the slider to find Quinnie and Presto happily munching grass in the yard. And there are like 6-7 poos out there, so they’ve been out for a while. I run around the side to find the pasture gate wide open. The latches and everything still intact. I grab two halters and by then I see JB rounding the corner of the house to come back to the pasture. Apparently he had been eating the grass in the raised garden and came to find me when he heard my voice. The others followed him and with no effort, they were all back in the pasture.

We can’t see anything to indicate how that gate got open. We don’t go through there to feed. And it swings open if unlatched…it doesn’t stay if it isn’t actually latched, so we know it was closed at night check. But they were out there for hours. Had a total rave. There are poos by the tractor. Foot prints around the whole yard. Toni’s [the stallion] electric gate tape was played with. Things moved. The end of the path torn up. 11 poos in total. But everyone was fine. 

Hmmm… I WONDER WHO MIGHT HAVE HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS? I dunno y’all. This type of crime certainly has Presto’s name written all over it. If the latch had been broken, I miiiiight be more likely to blame JB – he likes to push on the gate. But reaching over the gate and opening a clip seems more sophisticated than JB’s usual style.

I’m not sure if the court can completely absolve Quinnie though, the mare in charge of the two babydiots. She does have a history of letting herself out of her stall. BUT typically she does that because she’s ready to go out or wants food, and… she was already out, with a round bale (her most favorite possession)… not much more that Quinnie wants out of life than that. I also feel like she takes her job of raising these babies pretty seriously and would not sponsor such tomfoolery as gallivanting around the yard in the middle of the night.

But there IS another horse in this trio that has a history of opening things, and that would be the long-legged giraffe-like creature named PRESTO. There was the time he let himself out of his stall and absolutely destroyed the barn, also letting Henry out of his stall in the process. And we’re pretty sure he’s also the one that got into the feed room a couple months ago by somehow twisting the doorknob open (we’ve since caught him working at that doorknob on a couple other occasions, but it’s been Presto-proofed now from the inside).

To add to my suspicion, he tends to play with his ball a lot at night, but right now the current ball is pretty much dead (the new one should be here today) so it’s not really play-with-able in Presto’s eyes. So… in lieu of a good midnight romp with his ball, did he open the gate and go for a romp through the yard instead? The court can’t rule for sure, but it’s certainly plausible. Let’s hope that, whoever it was, they don’t repeat that performance and it was just a one-time fluke. Nothing quite like waking up at 2am to find loose horses and chaos.

I’ve been considering some additional toys/distractions for Presto lately. I was really wanting to find one of those 10′ long rectangular inflatable pools, I feel like he would have a total heyday with that, especially since it’s so hot. But apparently those pools are like THE hot item of the summer, because they’re totally sold out at most places, or the price has been jacked way up beyond what is reasonable (they used to be $26 at Walmart and now I’m seeing the exact same one online for $80+… considering it’s likely to be destroyed within days, I’m not into paying that much). But I did order Presto another toy though, one that I’ve been meaning to get for a long time and keep forgetting about.

Your eyes do not deceive you, that is a huge-ass rubber chicken. He loves things that he can pick up and toss around, especially if they make noise. Remember his love of plastic jugs with rocks in them? This particular giant rubber chicken is advertised as being able to scream for up to 45 seconds. We gon’ find out.

What does the jury say? How did the gate get opened? Who did it?