Author: Amanda C

I was going to call this “Monday Feels” and then I realized it’s Tuesday. That about sums things up.

Instead I’m going to pivot and talk about goals and plans and expectations… or the lack thereof. Or how my view of all those things has changed so much in the past 5 or so years.

Long-time readers of this blog have been on a bit of a roller coaster ride. First I didn’t compete much, then I did EVERYTHING and went REAL HARD and always had my eye on the next goal. and then now for the past few years I haven’t done a whole lot at all. I’ve talked a lot over the years about my journey with mindset, and how much of a struggle it’s been for me, and how much work I’ve had to put into it. Honestly, I needed the time away from the competitive side of things to help give me more perspective, and let all of that sink in. Time and hindsight are excellent teachers. But sticking my toe back into that world again, and this time doing it in a healthy way… that’s the road I currently find myself standing on.

Trainer is a big ol’ Planner (enneagram 3, if you know you know) which is probably good to counteract me, who dodges commitment and goal-setting with riding stuff like it’s my actual damn job. It’s funny because in other aspects of life I am extremely schedule and plan obsessed. I have an itinerary for literally everything and every day of my life is planned out. But I think I got so wrapped up in competing there for a while with Henry that now I’ve scared myself away from making too many plans thus ending up a) disappointed or b) so consumed by a goal that I don’t enjoy the journey. I have that obsessive, one-track type of brain that makes it really easy to slip into that. In an effort to not make that mistake again, I think I went from one extreme to the other. It’s probably good to have someone like Trainer to add a little balance back into things, otherwise I’d probably still just be trotting circles out in the field with Presto. I know I’m in a much better place mindset-wise with Presto than I was for so many of those years with Henry, but ya know… the process of learning about yourself and how you think/cope/react is never-ending, and I just don’t want to make the same mistakes. I can see now that it has gone so far the other direction that it’s become a bit of a “paralysis by analysis” thing, so… having her to push me back out of that is probably a good thing.

All of this to say that she’s been planning out my fall and winter season. I’m over here like “yeah sure as long as it doesn’t cause mental/financial anguish” because I have to be deliberately casual about it. First and foremost this is supposed to be fun, and no one can suck the fun out of something faster than my brain on Goals.

It does help that it feels different with this horse. I don’t know why it always seemed to me like I had something to prove with Henry but I don’t feel that way with Presto. If anything you’d think it should have been the opposite. Overall healthier mental state now vs then, maybe? It feels easier to enjoy every single little bit of progress with this horse, and be able to appreciate the journey no matter what it looks like. After all, how many times did all of this come precariously close to never happening? I never forget that. Not for a single day.

I also have no end goal in mind. There isn’t a particular level I want to hit, or a competition that is a “must”. I’m just here to enjoy the horse that I made, learn from him, and see what we can do together. If that looks like 10 years of Novice, that’s fine with me. If it looks like something bigger, then ok… we’ll cross that road when we come to it. I just want to get better and have fun with a horse that I already get so much enjoyment from, no matter what that looks like.

But I can also recognize the fact that being TOO nonchalant about that stuff does lead to the paralysis by analysis thing on my part. Taking a few years off from showing means I’ve settled into a bit of a comfort zone that could probably go on forever if I let it. And the truth is that I do actually enjoy competing. I’m not a super competitive person these days, and I don’t want to horse show like all the time (that is exhausting), but I do genuinely like it. Or at least I do now. There for a while I think I really didn’t, and I wasn’t totally sure that I would again.

But what I’m noticing now (that we’ve got a grand total of two shows under our belt… I know, things are getting serious…) is that the horse shows help give me a little bit of push and direction. Both important things if your priority with your horse is the journey. Apparently this new phase of life is going to be learning to actually go Do The Things but also without taking it too far and imploding my brain, because then I’ll just run away again back into my little brain cocoon.

The very loose “plan” is to do a recognized Novice at the beginning of December and, if that goes well, a schooling Training a couple weeks later. The show season here in Florida is really Jan through April, so things are gonna start to kick off hot and heavy in a couple months. How much or how little I want to participate in that will depend on a lot of things, but… I didn’t move all the way to Ocala to hide in the bushes, did I? I didn’t breed and raise my dream horse to not get out there and do the thing I bred him to do, did I?

I trust Trainer’s judgment implicitly, so I’m happy to go along with her whatever her plan is. I don’t have the best track record for plans, after all.

Both of the last two shows have been the best my mindset has ever been in competition so hopefully that’s a sign of growth. They’ve been fun, and no pressure, and I haven’t lain awake at night stressing about shit that’s completely beyond my control. There are a lot of things helping contribute to that, I think. But it does feel fun again, and I do find myself coming home from the shows and looking forward to the next one. It’s a work in progress but maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to find the middle ground.

And when I say supervisors I mostly just mean the extremely unhelpful onlookers that tended to just stir the pot even more (ahem Presto).

These guys all thought the weaning process was VERY interesting. To be fair, nothing that interesting ever happens here, so it was the most entertainment they’ve had in a while. Except for the entertainment that Presto produces for himself on a daily basis.

Naturally Gemma was the one who just kind of stood there and watched, whereas all the boys were inserting their assistance in the form of yeehaws.

Her version of standing and watching is VERY vigilant. Like… perhaps borderline stalkery.

And then there was Blue, one of the surrogate mares. She was the least impressed.

This is, unfortunately, the last *planned* Foal Friday that I have for the year. I’m not ruling out anything, because you never know, but… this is it folks. No more bebe’s until spring. Maybe I need to do a post about all the foals expected next year? I don’t think I’ve done that yet…

Alternate title: If You’re Bored Then You’re Boring (spoiler alert, we were both)

When we left off yesterday with our Punk Rock Noodle, we’d put in two delightfully boring phases to be sitting in second. A fact that I did not know, because I was not checking scores. My priority with this horse is to just ride him the way he needs to be ridden in the moment and not worry about what that may or may not mean for the score/placing, so a current placing is irrelevant information that I don’t even need in my brain, really.

Headed to XC warmup he was very well-behaved. We had 30 minutes between SJ and XC, and I deliberately took a little extra time putting on his boots and my vest. I wanted to get to warmup, jump two jumps, and go. If he’s gonna get nappy or worked up, it would be because he hung around in warmup too long doing nothing.

At the start they were just kind of taking people as they came, though, so I still ended up waiting for about 7 horses to start. I kept him walking well away from where the other horses were standing, jumped a couple jumps when we were like 2 out, and continued to keep him off by himself until we were a minute out.

I told Steph I would know by jump 1 whether he was going to be a good nugget or a turd.. either he would come out of the box and be nappy or rude, or he’d just canter to the first jump and we’d be in business. He made a good life choice and just cantered down to the first jump easy peasy.

After that it was yet again an extremely boring performance, in every good possible way. He just kinda… loped over everything. After how rude he’d been when we were schooling the day before, I did ask him to keep a slower pace, rebalanced for the jumps sooner, took longer routes around things, etc. I know for a fact that if I put my leg on and ask him to go faster, he will do it. What I have to be very sure of is that he’ll also always come back and listen. This was a schooling show, he’s 5, it’s Novice, he lost his marbles the day before… we were gonna put in a schooling round.

I don’t have photos of the jumps because I didn’t walk the whole thing, but here’s the map. It was the same course as the recognized show a couple weeks ago.

It was all your fairly standard Novice fare. Hanging log at jump one, a brushy rolltop at 2, then a step, then a table. A lot of single jumps to get you rolling before you get to any combinations. The first one came at 5 and 6, which wasn’t numbered as an AB but still rode as a combo… you jumped the ramp at 5, went downhill into a crater, then back up a steep hill to a skinnyish chevron. That was kinda fun, honestly. I love roller coaster terrain changes like that.

Then there was a little ditch wall, which the ditch was small and faux so I didn’t actually even notice it was a ditch wall until I saw it was called that on the course map. After that there was a wagon and a palisade, more single jumps before the next combination.

10AB was just a straight line on a related distance, table to corner. After that we swung around to the first water, which had a jump a few strides before it and then another one a few strides after. He did pretend to be a bit surprised at the entrance to the water and took his last stride a bit sideways before leaping (and I do mean leaping) into it… by far the most “exciting” part of our whole run.

After that I totally got lost and couldn’t for the life of me remember wtf 13 was. I saw the chase cart (they don’t have jump judges at every fence here, they have someone following you at a safe distance in a gator) cross over behind me to the left and went “OH YEAH” – the half coffin in the tree line. I took the world’s longest approach to that one. Whoops.

Presto popped through that easily and then we were back into the other field, cruising past some of the combined driving obstacles to a shark’s tooth and then a ramp covered with mulch.

Then we hung a right, towards the second water, which was just a jump a few strides before and then a canter through. Then up the hill out of the water, over another table, through another crater, and to the last hanging little table. Somewhere around that mulch table Presto’s antics from the day before finally caught up to him and I felt him getting weary. We crossed the finish line and when I asked him to whoa it was almost reining quality.

Of course the first thing I asked Steph when she got out of the chase cart (SEE – massive benefit to the chase cart is that your trainer and/or friends can ride along to see your whole round and/or get video! I thought it was fantastic that Steph could get a good view of how literally the entire thing went, and Hillary got what is legit the best XC video I’ve ever had) was whether or not I’d jumped all the jumps. This is always my first concern when I finish XC, because I’m paranoid AF that I missed something. Plus I actually wasn’t 100% sure I’d known exactly where I was going. So… whoops. But, yes, I had jumped all the jumps. She thought it was a great round and said he was super, and I agreed.

I did it really slowly though. Like… really slowly. Turns out the time was actually a bit tight to get, people were flying over that last bit of the course to make it, and me with my quiet canter, big turns, and long approaches racked up a lot of time. Like a lot a lot. Like 26 time penalties a lot. LOL. I was annoyed about it for a minute, because it did cost us a 2nd place ribbon, but honestly – I’m glad I rode it the way I did. It was the right choice because Presto and I both needed a quiet, boring, focused round. At this point, still so early in our partnership, we needed a round where he was 100% with me and listening every step of the way. I know it was the right choice for both of us, given how he’d been the day before and given that it was literally our second XC run together. I feel like we put a lot of deposits in each other’s trust banks, and if that isn’t the whole entire point of these schooling shows then I’m not sure what is. Sure, it’s more fun to be able to come on here and say we finished second in the Novice at our second show together, but is that really the long-term goal for this horse? No it isn’t. This is a nice horse, and I want to do whatever is the best thing for him and our partnership, whether that looks like a win or whether it looks like finishing dead fucking last.

Truth be told, he was fantastic the whole day. Never once did he even consider flipping me the bird, and aside from the exuberant leap into the first water it was the most boring XC round I’ve ever ridden in my entire life. Like a school horse popping around a starter. Perfect. He was really unimpressed, which is also exactly what I need from him. He’s an easy horse to wind up and get excited, but getting him bored is the harder task. If he wants to be bored and boring AF cantering around a Novice at a venue like Florida Horse Park, I’m all for it. I think it will set us up well for next time.

When we left off yesterday, Presto had completely and firmly lost his brain when we were schooling because he had friends. I woke up Sunday with a heavy sigh and a “if we could not do THAT again today, that would be great…”.

First order of business was getting the tips of Presto’s mane and tail sprayed pink, to match my mohawk. Priorities. I didn’t have dressage until 10:50 but I did want to get there extra early so that Presto had time to chill at the trailer. So at 8 we loaded up and off we went to Florida Horse Park, with Presto pawing angrily basically the entire way there (the “entire way” being like 35 minutes – FHP is one of the furthest show facilities from me around here, and my Texas self hates my Ocala self a little bit for even daring to think that it’s “far”).

He came off the trailer with a few screams but settled into his hay net pretty quickly. This gave me hope. I figured he’d either devolve completely, or he’d settle down and get over it. Luckily he seemed to choose option B. I got on him for dressage around 10:20 and first headed for the further away, grassy area that only had a couple in it, vs the smaller busy warmup ring. But that grassy area was closer to cross country, and his focus kept drifting into the distance, so I quickly changed tactic and went to the busy ring instead. That worked much better, and he instantly had to focus on me in all the hubbub. Every show I learn a little bit more about this horse and how to handle his brain. In a lot of ways he’s very opposite from Henry… bigger/louder/more is what gets Presto’s attention and settles him.

When it was time for our test, as we were trotting around the outside of the ring waiting for the bell, the judge stopped me and asked if I knew that we were supposed to be doing Novice Test B. As I’d been in the warmup ring I did notice a couple people getting rung for errors, but I guess it had been happening A LOT. I said yes I knew it was supposed to be Test B. She asked me if I knew Test B. Me, who had been 99% certain 5 minutes ago, was now like “Yes. Yes? I think so?”. She seemed skeptical. So was I, now. To be honest I hadn’t even ridden this test one time before… I’d just realized a few days prior that we were doing B, and learned it via the Ride iQ read-along. Now all the sudden I was second-guessing my whole life. This is why dressage is by far the scariest phase.

But on with it we went, and turns out I did in fact know Test B. After how much of a come-apart Presto had had the day before, my whole goal for this show was to have a quiet, boring day. I wanted a quiet, boring test with no yeehaws or screaming, and if that meant that I “went for it” a little bit less, that was fine by me. Let’s dazzle them with mediocrity.

To give Presto credit, he’s now 2 for 2 at being easier to ride at shows than he is during schooling or at home. Also very different from Henry. I think its finally enough of a pressure situation to make him want to pay attention. It was not a fantastic test in any way, but it was very consistent, scoring all 6.5’s and 7’s straight down the sheet. Quiet and boring, achieved. Our score of 32 actually somehow put us in 2nd out of 25 horses. Note to self: it helps to know the test.

After that I had a couple hours before stadium and XC, so I went to learn the stadium course and watch a couple friends go. The arena at FHP is MASSIVE, I was like “why it gotta be so big though, this is just a lot more room for Fuckery…” but the course was very basic and the jumps seemed small. Again I just really wanted a quiet, boring round.

I did learn from the last show that stadium warmup is not a place where Presto thrives (he feeds off chaos, and that is always supreme chaos) so I deliberately got on a bit later. Still had a bit too much extra time, but I was able to keep him occupied. I’m figuring out all these little things about Horse Show Presto, bit by bit. Knowing when to get on and how to warm up is such a big part of the whole strategy.

We went in the ring and took the long way around, so I could trot him past all the banners and spectators on the far side, then picked up the canter. My instructions from Steph were to keep him busy and not use too much of the ring, so I picked up the canter, asked him to be active and connected, and away we went, directly to the first jump. He jumped that first single oxer a little wonky because he was looking off at the warmup ring, but that got his attention, and after that he actually put in a really good round. He paid attention, he did what I asked, he stayed in his rhythm, and he even gave me a couple flying changes. Clear round! Steph called it an equitation round… considering this horse was a flailing hot mess like 3 months ago, I can’t be more pleased about that.

We kept our 2nd place standing (I didn’t even know that at the time because I never look at scores during the day) but really I was just happy that it had been what we set out for – quiet and boring. It felt easy, he stepped up and listened, and we both stayed cool in our heads. This is so new for us as a partnership, that’s really the whole point of doing these shows. Brick by brick laying a foundation that will hopefully serve us well for later.

After that we had a 30 minute gap before XC, which we’ll talk about tomorrow!

So, uh… turns out I completely forgot to post Foal Friday last week. I drafted it, I just didn’t post it because Friday came and went without me even realizing that it was Friday. On the bright side, that means Foal Friday gets to last a little bit longer?

Anyway, part of why I totally lost track of days is because Presto and I were busy getting ready for our next show. Two shows only two weeks apart… what a luxury. Having so many nice, affordable, well-run schooling shows right here in my own backyard is legit life-changing.

Presto had gotten the previous weekend off, since I was gone to TerraNova, and I hadn’t jumped him since the previous show, so I scheduled a jump lesson with Steph. I thought he might be a bit of a dingaling but nope. He was actually freaking stellar.

We’ve been jumping him a little bigger, since honestly he’s so blasé and unimpressed with anything little these days. As the jumps get bigger, he gets better and better. He’s staying rideable, he’s listening, he’s doing his job, and the quality of his jump is improving as he’s getting stronger.

He was so good that we literally jumped two courses and then called it quits with that. He’s the kind of horse where you really have to know when to push it vs when to leave it alone, and the ultimate reward (in his mind) is being done with work. Plus, like… he’s five. If he’s being super, there’s no point in drilling him.

The show was on Sunday, and on Saturday we went XC schooling. Hillary was with us this time, so that meant Presto had a friend with him in the trailer, and we met up with a group from my trainer’s barn. Presto with friends is never good. I thought, though, that since he’s spent the last few months doing things alone, he might just have an initial hissy fit and then get over it. Spoiler alert: he did not get over it.

He was an actual terrorist. As soon as we walked out to the field to warm up he was screaming, and alternating between wanting to spin back toward our group or staring off into the distance at other horses. And it got worse instead of better, because it went from a little naughtiness to him actually being genuinely Very Very Worried. When we tried to jump a few warmup fences he went to spinning again and was super nappy about leaving the group. He hasn’t done that in months (since, well, the last time he had a friend come with him on the trailer). Steph basically just sent us off by ourselves to jump around the whole course, because clearly the group dynamic was not going to work for Presto that day. To Presto’s credit, he did leave the group with encouragement, and there was no more napping, but he screamed his head off the entire time. Like that deep, soul-shaking screaming bloody murder type of neigh that you can hear from 3 counties away. Constantly. While he was actively jumping fences. The actual jumps themselves were no problem, he didn’t bat an eye at any of that and jumped them all fine. His poor little teeny brain had just completely fallen out of his ear though.

I jumped around a couple times by myself, then went off away from the XC and had him walk around the showjumping arena and dressage arenas. Again, he never stopped screaming, but there was no more napping. He really gets so freaking worried about what everyone else is doing when he goes places with a friend. He needs to travel solo for a while to these one-day outings until he finds life in general to be less exciting and can focus on his own life. My ear drums can’t take it.

That evening was spent getting our costume together for the show. I mean, it’s a Halloween event and it says “costumes encouraged” so yes, I’m in. I decided to go for the low-hanging fruit and do a Punk Rock theme, since I already owned most of what I needed for that.

The only thing I had to purchase was the hot pink mohawk to go on my helmet. Because naturally, a mohawk seems necessary for this kind of costume right?

10/10 it was worth the $15, because I could not stop snickering. It was so entertaining.

I also used the Cricut and some silver glitter adhesive vinyl that I already had to make a little punk rock decal for the back of my leather jacket.

And I made some anarchy symbol stickers to go on Presto’s saddle pad too. Because he IS walking anarchy, really. Hillary also picked me up some hot pink hair spray so that I could do the tips of his mane and tail in pink to coordinate with my mohawk. He already wears spiked browbands on both of his bridles, so that was really all he needed.

I was happy for the costume distraction so that I didn’t have time to overthink how he might end up behaving at the show the next day. I wasn’t sure how badly the schooling had rattled him, and whether or not his brain would climb back up it’s tether, into his ear, and re-velcro itself back into his skull. One never really knows. He’s one of those horses that tends to remember everything, so mostly I was just hoping I wouldn’t end up being That Person at the horse show with the screaming spinning idiot. Lofty goals over here.