Month: June 2020

God, what a time to be alive guys. 2020 has been a flurry of emotions to the point where I don’t really even know how to accurately identify what I’m feeling anymore. The past week especially has weighed heavily, and it can’t help but feel like things are coming to a head. I haven’t said much because, quite frankly, I simply don’t feel that I can do the topic any justice.

But I have been reading, and watching, and paying close attention. This is an important moment in history for all of us. What we do right now, every single one of us… it matters.

While I still don’t think that I can do the topic any justice whatsoever, I have enjoyed reading what everyone else has to say, both inside and outside of the equestrian realm. A few bloggers have tackled the issue well, and I particularly enjoyed Nadia’s perspective. The Chronicle published an column on white privilege, which I thought had some good thinking points. Eventing Nation made a light mention yesterday of the existing racial divide by linking to a piece published by Heels Down back in April. But what really got to me was reading the facebook comments to these articles, particularly the COTH one… it was enough to make me want to walk away from social media for a while, to be honest. It proved just how deep the problem really goes, and just how alive and well racism really is even in the horse world. It’s ugly when you peel back the curtain. What people were saying made me feel a strange (to me) combination of outrage, devastation, and extreme discomfort.

But that’s part of the point isn’t it? We SHOULD be feeling all those things. Our society is broken and what we’re seeing now is the result. It is upsetting, and it is uncomfortable. Many of us, like myself, are privileged enough to where we don’t have to sit with that discomfort 24/7. We have the option to put down our phones, log off of our computers, and ta-da it pretty much ceases to exist. If that’s not the very definition of privilege, I’m not sure what is. Large groups of people never get to turn those feelings off.

So what have I learned so far in these past few days?

I’ve learned that there are A LOT of people (particularly horse people, it seems) who don’t understand the difference between financial privilege and racial privilege. And to those who say “anyone could work hard and do what I did” – clearly you are not paying attention to the myriad ways that our society has been designed to suppress and exclude minorities.

I’ve learned that what I was taught in school about our history, particularly during the Civil Rights movement, was incomplete at best. Boy did they conveniently leave some things out of our curriculum. Boy did they sugarcoat and idealize a whole lot.

I’ve learned that 1) you should never haul anywhere without Waze on, particularly during a period of civil unrest, so you can avoid putting yourself or your horses in a bad situation, but 2) if you do happen to find yourself stuck with a trailer in the middle of a crowd of devastated, outraged people, perhaps brandishing a firearm and trying to force your way through should be your LAST resort. We really should be taught as a society how to deescalate situations… the American way seems to be brute force and a bigger gun, and clearly that ain’t working very well for any of us. (tends to be true with horses too, perhaps we are more like them than we think)

I’ve learned that a surprising number of people didn’t have a word to say about the murder of yet another black man, but have a lot to say about protesting.

I’ve learned that for as much as I want to unfriend or unfollow people who don’t see things my way, it’s important (to me anyway) to not just shut myself off from those who think differently than I do. I need to understand why they feel the way they do, because I think the only way forward is to understand how we got here in the first place. Where have we gone wrong? How do we fix this, once and for all? Granted, I admit that I have a limit. If you say “black people get killed by other black people more than they do by white people” or “if they weren’t so lazy they could have what I have” I just freaking cannot and yes I’ve unfollowed a few people because of those exact statements. Point of view is one thing, morality is another.

But at the end of the day most of my social media friends are equestrians, and I’ve learned just how damn out of touch many of us really are, myself included, likely because of our privilege. Most of us live in a different world, and it shows.

The real question is what do we do now? Truthfully I don’t know. I think this looks different for everyone. Some people may be out there on the front lines of the protests. Some people might be donating to worthy causes. Some people might be sharing their experiences. Some people are standing in virtual solidarity and anxiously awaiting election day. Some are doing all of the above. I don’t think there’s a wrong approach, as long as you’re doing something.

For as tempting as it was yesterday for me to just put all my devices away and hide from everything for a while, I’ve forced myself to stay with it. I’ve forced myself to keep scrolling and reading and watching. It’s important, to me, to bear witness. It’s important, to me, to understand as fully as I can. It’s important, to me, to acknowledge my privilege and figure out what I can do with it. It’s important, to me, to be uncomfortable and upset and outraged and to sit in all those feelings. I don’t have the answers, but I’m here to learn. I don’t know what to say, but I know that it feels wrong to say nothing at all.

If you have any good links or causes (or books or documentaries or podcasts – anything) that you’d like to share, please drop them in the comments, I would love to see them and have a collection of resources in one place.

Henry is enjoying a bit of a more “feral” life these days. Well, I mean, he still gets ridden 5 days a week and has a beautiful turnout space and luxury stall accommodations and human slaves to do his bidding (because ROTTEN ANIMAL), but he’s not in the prime event horse shape he’s been for most of the last 4 or so years. 

Because of his heat intolerance, Henry’s real “show season” is November-April. But he had the foot bruise from hell that took him out of commission for November/December, and then right when we were starting to get back in the groove, covid happened. So, ya know… we lost his whole season, really. Which I waited to feel sad about but really didn’t, because truth be told we were dialed up to 110% for the past couple years to make it to Prelim, and we did it, so stepping back and taking a bit of a deep breath was welcome for me. 

Like I said, he’s still getting ridden but only about 5 days a week instead of 6 or 7 like before. And the conditioning rides are MUCH shorter/less structured. He’s also only been on a trailer twice so far this year, which is kind of unheard of for us. Usually we’re traveling at least 2-3 weekends a month during the cooler season. He’s fat and he’s sassy and he seems totally content with his current more relaxed lifestyle.

This is the first winter/spring since I’ve owned him where he didn’t do his ulcery gas colic thing a few times. This is also the first winter/spring since I’ve owned him where he easily kept his weight. In fact, I actually CUT BACK on his food over the winter. He’s eating less grain now than he ever has, and he’s still a little chonky. Clearly I think the break has done us both some good. It’s nice to exist in a pressure-free state for once.

Aside from his incredibly rockin’ dad bod, you can also see that his clipped “eventer tail” is pretty much all grown out. It’s also really sunbleached. This is the true sign that he’s on a break, because his tail hasn’t looked that feral since I got him. He’s wearing it like a symbol, and I’m content to let it be for now. There will be no two-week getaway to Coconino this summer (which is I think the only thing I’m really mourning about this lost season) so he won’t be setting foot in a show ring for a while still. I’m keeping his mane short though, because a ranch horse mane would be a step too far. Can’t have him thinking he’s retired or something.

The mowers came last week, so this past weekend I got back out in our jump field and set a course back up. We hadn’t jumped a course since… March? I thought the ground up there was still a teeny bit too soft on Saturday to jump, so after I set everything (which took me like 2 hours – setting jumps is stupid) I took Henry out back to let him gallop a bit instead. Which, I love Henry to bits but when he flips on his racehorse mode it’s SO funny. He legit gallops like a QH, kind of high-headed and belly low to the ground with really quick, relatively short strides. It’s a lot of flying legs. Bless him, he tries. He was absolutely delighted to gallop a little though, and I had to stop him before he was really mentally ready to stop (ok there, Dash for Cash, calm down). It’s been MONTHS since he’s really gotten to let out some speed and he greatly needed it. 

On Sunday the jump field was drier so we went out and strung a couple courses together. Me trying to remember the right pace was a little struggle bus (the things I so quickly forget…), but Henry was really good. It makes me happy that he still clearly enjoys the jumping days a lot. He’s always strutting like a peacock when he’s done, like he’s really impressed with himself.

I’ve finally got a decent enough collection of jumps to make a real course. Well, I really need a couple more sets of standards so I can throw in some more oxers, and I’d like to make a couple flower boxes and brush rails and a skinny chevron, but it’s a good start. It’s a totally workable space where we can do everything we need. I do have to get a little creative with dodging the trees/branches but I love having them there. It’s nice to have a shady end and they look so pretty. Although I did fail at dodging one yesterday, just nipping the bottom edge of a branch, and suffered a shirt casualty.

In a way it feels like there’s not really a lot to report with Henry here on the blog these days. Nothing newsworthy is happening. We’re just kind of doing what we do. We’re “old friends” by this point in our relationship, and aside from being sassy and pretending to spook at everything (which luckily I find entertaining), he’s a steady and reliable guy. Well.. unless you haven’t seen Henry eat an Oatmeal Cream Pie yet… that is definitely newsworthy.

It’s really nice to have one like this though when you’ve also got a 3yo where literally EVERYTHING is newsworthy. Henry might not get talked about as much here right now, but make no mistake, he is still the glue holding everything together and he’s still doing his Henry thing. A little fatter, a little shaggier, but super happy none-the-less.