Well, we’ve made it to the end of the 2019 recap posts, and I’ve saved the best for last. It is, perhaps, the pinnacle accomplishment of the year. The crown achievement. The apex. My own personal zenith.
You see, Bobby has always been a hater of glitter. In fact, I’ve heard him refer to it as “the herpes of the craft world” on many occasions. He has always been the least fabulous, most khaki-wearing, plain black or white saddle pad type of guy in existence. Simple. Straightforward. No frills. It’s quite disappointing at times, to be honest.
Over the years I’ve certainly worked some of my magic on him a bit. Gussied him up, got him looking more modern with his turnout, converted him from synthetic to leather tack. I’ve even slowly but surely turned him into a bit of a shopper, as evidenced by the Burghley trip. Granted, the real reason he went and bought that hunt bridle was because Ben Way had one on one of his young horses, and Bobby is a total fanboy (Ben Way also had a Fairfax breastplate and I tried to talk Bobby into buying one so I could steal it, but apparently his devotion as fanboy ends somewhere well before the $350 mark). But whatever… I totally talked him into all the other things.
So I think when he switched over into Dressageland this year, he was a lot more primed and ready to accept their blingier culture. I mean, he still went to nationals in a Wintec (which is honestly kind of badass, don’t tell him I said that), but otherwise he looks super legit. He’s even got more than one show coat now, and neither of them is a women’s blazer (he will never live that down as long as I’m around).
But still, when I showed him the Punk Ponies glitter boots, I expected him to make some kind of herpes comment. Because they’re glitter. Bobby HATES glitter. Like he once threatened to tit punch me because I entertained the idea of sending him a glitter bomb in retribution after he sent me an anonymous package of gummy weens (which was not anonymous at all because I only know one asshole that would send me that).
So you could have knocked me over with a feather when he LOVED the boots. And then proceeded to order himself a set. And not only did he order himself glitter boots, he ordered them in NAVY. WHAAAAAT? Seriously, he has lived and died by black/white/red for the entire time I’ve known him. Navy, while absolutely the best color, is just as far out in left field for Bobby as glitter. NAVY GLITTER? Has he been body snatched?
He has seen the light.
And I mean… I don’t want to gloat, but…
I totally got Bobby into navy glitter.
Let me just revel in that for a second.
But it didn’t stop there. Not only did he buy the boots, but he also went back and ordered the matching navy glitter pad. Yep, that’s right, now he’s 1. Navy 2. Glitter 3. Matchy. Hell hath frozen over friends. There is no way I can top this accomplishment.
Indeed, he decided he liked the navy so much that he also found and ordered some burgundy glitter.
TWO sets of glitter. And neither are black. He’s even talking about coordinating browbands. Who is this person?
I don’t know what happened, or how it happened, but… this is a glorious moment in history, friends. Light a candle for the old Bobby, who swore that Halo didn’t wear boots or bonnets because he didn’t like them, owned one black saddle pad and one white saddle pad, and liked his plastic tack because he could hose it off. Now he’s a full-fledged tack cleaning, outfit-coordinating, matchy, glittery DQ. I mean, he still won’t buy things unless they’re a good deal or on sale, because I raised him right, but he DOES have a weakness for pretty things that didn’t exist before.
Maybe I should just retire. I can’t top this.