Passing Judgment 

Published on by Amanda C

Being a blogger can have it’s ups and downs. On one hand, it’s fun to share everything with people… you often find a lot of common ground and camaraderie in both the triumphs and the struggles of day-to-day horse ownership. You also have a really detailed journal of sorts, which can be fun and really helpful to look back on. For some of us, writing can even be cathartic, in a way. And then of course, there’s the other end of the spectrum: sharing so many details, good and bad, can leave you open for a lot of criticism. I think just about every blogger, and honestly probably most people that are active on any kind of social media, have probably encountered this.

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Some people are even more opinionated than Henry

It’s easy to sit here behind a computer screen and judge someone’s situation, especially when it comes to photos. I think we’ve all been guilty of it at least a few times. But unless you a) know someone’s horse b) know someone’s story c) have a really good understanding of their sport… can you really get an accurate assessment of the situation from a photo?

I kinda feel like, for me personally, there are a few things I will always judge someone for:

  • Hurting a horse, either intentionally or via gross negligence.
  • Being a jerk to a horse.
  • Acting like you’re perfect when you’re not. That’s just annoying. Don’t do that.

Things I will not judge you for:

  • Your leg slipping back
  • Your hands being too high/low
  • Your release not being perfect
  • Looking down
  • Making mistakes
  • All that other minutia that is just a part of riding
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all aboard the Struggle Bus

The vast majority of us are amateurs. We don’t get to sit on a ton of horses or spend 6 hours a day riding. We aren’t perfect, but I think it’s safe to say that the majority of us are trying to be better. Some of us have demons to work through, or issues that have plagued us forever. We make mistakes. I also know that what is correct for one sport is not necessarily correct for all sports, so I’m not going to sit here and criticize someone’s barrel racing or reining or endurance photos when I quite admittedly do not have a damn clue what I’m looking at.

For the most part I’ve dodged personal criticism a lot more than some other bloggers, probably because my horse is pretty simple and there isn’t a lot of major struggle for us aside from my own continuing education. For that I’m grateful, because I’ve seen some of the messages that strangers have had the audacity to send to other bloggers, and it is shocking. FYI, internet – it’s ok to express concern if it’s warranted, but it’s not ok to be an complete asshole about it.

Image result for don't be an asshole gif

This past weekend on Instagram I posted a picture from XC schooling that is not classically correct – we’d gotten a longish distance to a wide fence, so I stayed in a safety seat and let Henry work it out.

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Someone thought it was appropriate to send me a message telling me that it was a horrible photo, that I was ripping my horse’s mouth off and slamming him in the back. I had no business jumping and should be ashamed of myself. How could I possibly be proud of a picture like that, they asked.

Ah, ever-so-kind internet stranger… let me tell you why.

I’ve always hated that damn fence. It’s wide, and I’ve found it intimidating. When we first schooled it a year ago I had a tendency to panic and either chase my horse to the base or curl up into fetal position and provide zero assistance, making his job really difficult. It’s been a while since I jumped it. So we galloped down to it and got a slightly long distance… not perfect. But here’s what happened this time: my horse was confident enough to go anyway, I kept my eyes and body up, I kept my balance back so he could easily get his front end up, slipped the reins as much as he needed, he was able to make a huge effort without me impeding him, and we galloped away in balance together, horse happy and looking for the next one like it was no big deal.

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Was it perfect? No. Of course not. But any eventer will tell you that XC is not about being perfect. When a sport involves galloping at speed over solid fences, with varying terrain, out in the open, foot perfect rounds are few and far between. Being an effective XC rider is about learning to have good instincts in a less than perfect situation – something that has not been easy for me (especially when it comes to sitting the eff up, because laying on the neck  and staring down at the source of my impending doom is a favorite pastime of mine). The fact that this fence happened the way it did, we both handled it safely and without issue, and didn’t miss a beat… that did more for my confidence as a rider (and spoke more to our progress together) than 100 perfect fences would have.

So, to circle back to the question – how could I proud of that? Well, I’m pleased that I’m finally able to canter down to a jump that used to make me crap my pants, get a meh distance, and have no issue handling it in a safe way – a way that actually helps instead of hinders my horse. Who, btw, is a badass and jumped the absolute crap out of that fence, which is why I posted it in the first place. He’s amazing, with or without me. If you want to judge me for that, go ahead, knock yourself out.

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for real though, he’s Majestic AF

I’m not quite sure what some of these Internet trolls think they’re going to accomplish by making rude comments to random amateur riders regarding their skill set or lack thereof. I think I’ll go with what my trainer says, but thanks so much for the fun and abundantly helpful critique. *insert much eye rolling here* PS – if you were trying to hurt my feelings, you’re going to have to try a lot harder than that. There is literally no one on the planet who is more critical of my riding than I am.

At the end of the day, we don’t know what each other’s struggles are as a rider, and sometimes we don’t really even have a full understanding of each other’s sports. You see people criticizing hunter riders or eventers for their “equitation” in a photo (god, can we STOP with the idea of one exact perfect position already? I hate it.) all the time. Sometimes though, there’s a reason for what you’re seeing in one still frame. This is just as good a reminder to me as anything else… maybe we should take a minute to consider things before we pass judgment.

Well… unless you’re mean to your horse… then all bets are off, you jerk. 😉

107 thoughts on “Passing Judgment ”

  2. WHO are these people and HOW do they have so much time to berate random strangers on the internet?? Also, how much personal angst are they carrying around on a daily basis? It baffles me. For the record I think you rode that fence beautifully given the conditions and should damn well be proud of that photo!

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    1. I think they must be pretty angry about their own lives? Lol. Whatever. They have to right to their (bad) opinion, even if it’s tacky. So weird though, I’m trying to imagine a circumstance in which I would tell someone on the internet that they suck at riding, but it’s just not coming to me.

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  3. Henry is majestic af. And you’re the ultimate badass at riding the scary jump in my opinion. He loves his job and I think its obvious in that picture, even if you are back where you feel comfortable/safe.

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  4. I hear you on what I will and won’t judge on. Bad horsemanship, putting your needs in front of your horse’s, etc. But I have to say, you put up the photo and I read it as you were showing off your awesome pone! You never claimed you were in your element. And another big account reposted you. I’m sure given the choice, it wouldn’t have been the one you wanted, but oh well. I see so much worse equitation praised on IG, that it convinces me that people don’t even know what they are looking at any more. But what is equitation?

    “There is a REASON for “equitation skills”, and it IS NOT TO LOOK PRETTY. Equitation is about the physics of thrust and speed and balance and motion, and how the human body either gets IN the way of the horse as he does his job, or gets OUT of his way, so he CAN function.”

    Study Steinkraus to understand what I meant by the above comment—-

    (It simply doesn’t get any better than Steinkraus.)”

    I love Denny. I love Bill.

    I would have you ride my horses any day. That is not an offer many get.

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  5. Those are the types of people that don’t have the balls to conquer such a thing like you did, much less post a pic of it for everyone to see. Something tells me they would also be the definition of the bad riding they speak of.

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      1. Idk who these people are, but I do know who they aren’t. They aren’t dynamic riders who are constantly trying to improve their riding in the effort to help their horse. They aren’t taking lessons or reviewing media of their own riding in an effort to improve so that they may help their horse. They aren’t improving their own fitness in an effort TO HELP THEIR HORSE. And they certainly aren’t the kind of people that would dare say to someone’s face what they write behind the anonymity of their keyboards.

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  6. A—holes and opinions….everyone has one. It’s awful to pass judgment and I see it way too often not just on Facebook or whatever social media platform. What I often find is that the ones who pass the harshest and most critical judgment are the ones with the least amount of education/experience in a saddle. Those of us who are veteran equestrians, know nothing is perfect and there was a legit reason you went with that position. It’s amazing that the internet gives people balls the size of melons, and they can make statements that they probably wouldn’t make if they were face to face.

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  8. If I wanted to see a bunch of riding photos without context, I would just peruse google images. Knowing the story behind the photo is so much more interesting and that’s why I read blogs. Your post above is the perfect example. That history and explanation is what makes the photo awesome!

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  9. ahhhhh…. this topic. unsolicited advice. gosh. i HATE unsolicited advice. really truly. lots of folks on the internet tho just can’t help themselves from bestowing their wisdom, however unwillingly it’s met. all in the name of GOOD INTENTIONS. and CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. then of course. there are those who take it to that next step of actual shaming, public or otherwise. it’s just. wow. it’s just not cool ppl. here’s a tip: share your own experiences. tell your own stories. say what’s worked for you and what hasn’t. but don’t take it to that next step of actually telling me what to do unless i explicitly asked you. (and hint: i didn’t).

    also tho. tangential rant aside (bc obvi this topic always ruffles me up a little haha). a couple weeks ago i posted pics of phillip dutton and boyd martin from a clinic video. phillip’s jumping an xc ditch on a green horse. his position is classical cross country position: safe, in the back seat but still going with the horse, and positioned to continue riding forward come hell or high water, no matter how the horse lands from the jump. and. the funny thing is, it looks basically identical to your position over that ramp. what a coincidence!

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    1. My first reaction was to laugh and roll my eyes. Whatever. I just had to immediately assume that the person was not an eventer, because I think all eventers recognize the safety seat when they see it. Either that or they spend a lot of time being lawndarted into the dirt.

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  10. Internet trolls drive me crazy. They crawl out of their hole in the ground, yell some nasty sentiment, and then crawl back in before anyone can get to them. Just the other day, I saw an entire group of holier-than-thou equitrolls (a subspecies of the classic internet troll) gang up on and rip apart a picture of a girl and her horse that a company had posted. They were being extremely nasty and the girl featured in the post quietly asked for her photo to be removed from the company’s instafeed.
    That type of behavior is disgusting. It’s cowardly, unkind, and oftentimes incorrect, and sadly they get to sit on their high horse behind a computer screen feeling righteous. GRRRRR – can you tell this topic makes me crazy?!
    You’re a badass, your horse is a badass. And whoever sent you that message needs to get a life.

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  11. I’m sorry … what did the troll say? I’m too busy binge watching Henny take a very-longish leap over a WTF-table-of-death without a care in the world telling Mom, “I got this,” while you are balanced and don’t interfere with his mo-jo and you land beautifully light in the saddle and together you both press on like it was NBD. But what do I know?

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  14. It always surprises me (and it really shouldn’t) when someone has the complete opposite reaction I do to something that seems pretty black and white. That isn’t a picture of the perfect cross-country jump, but I was actually really, really impressed with how well you rode it. I mean, Look at your ROCK SOLID leg! That GIF actually impresses me even more because you stay balanced the entire time — takeoff, over the jump and landing — you are in sync with Henry.

    But I suppose that just my kind of uneducated opinion 😉 I’ve never ridden cross country, so I don’t pretend to know much of anything about it.

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    1. In the same non-experienced cross country boat here–I always preferred jumps that would collapse if I crashed them! I too loved the completely balanced ride over that jump, especially how the hands followed the horse’s head and gave him complete freedom. Ripping the horse’s mouth off? I would call horseshit on that statement except I would be insulting a horse…

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  15. First time commenting on one of your posts! I somehow stumbled onto your blog from another site, and have loved following along. I have to say, when you first posted that pic, my thought was “ooooo, I hope that turned out okay.” Because, if that had been me, I would’ve been left behind….on the ground. Then I read on and saw the video of it, and holy crap! Not only did it turn out okay, but it was an amazing ride by both you and your derpy pony.

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  16. All I thought when I saw that photo was “DAMN that’s a big fence!” Pretty sure that if I had jumped that at all (even if I was in the process of falling) I’d be posting it with pride over how awesome my horse is.

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  17. The highest form of arrogance is thinking that you are in fact so perfect, that you can change someone else.
    I dont understand where these people find the time or the audacity to email a random person on the internet, their opinion in tow. Its very odd behavior.

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  18. This person also probably complains about how people only post the good stuff on social media. They probably complain that people’s lives aren’t nearly as perfect as the portray them to be online. Then you post a REAL picture of something that isn’t “perfect” and they jump down your neck. Life is much too short to be so ugly. And quite frankly, I don’t want anyone’s opinion about how I ride unless I ask them, I pay them, or I’m being truly dangerous and need an intervention (which is highly unlikely considering I don’t yet jump jumps bigger than 2’6″ and ride everything in a Happy Mouth french link snaffle). Get a life internet equitroll.

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    1. I wouldn’t blog if I had thin skin, so whatevs to the equitrolls, but I am really amused by the thought of someone holding their phone going “ooooo, I’m gonna get you with this zinger of a comment!”. Right.

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  20. I don’t get what trolls expect to achieve with their comments either, in any forum. Are they trying to solicit their services as a trainer? I doubt it. Are they going to convince someone to switch their vote? Nope. Are they just practice their typing skills? Probably.

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  21. I cant believe you called Henry majestic. Typically Henry is associated with derpy. I’m actually surprised a photo of him exists with his tongue in his mouth. You two are doing great. You didn’t really ‘get’ the long distance you ‘took’ the long distance. That’s not a mistake that’s a proactive rider using their eye correctly. There is a fantastic video if Beezie Madden (pardon spelling) and Cortes C taking the flyer and its not a screw up its an working decision. Love when riders actually have to make some decisions when they ride. The strides aren’t always there.

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  22. I’m still just blown away that this hasn’t happened to you before, but I guess I probably figure in to the “other bloggers send me the appalling shit they receive” part of this post. :p Regardless. Yes. People are mean and they can be mean about the bad things as well as the good things and just because they’re being mean doesn’t actually imply they have any goddamn clue what they’re talking about.

    Fwiw, I think the pic of you and Henny is awesome and I’d think that with or without the explanation and whether or not I knew you. I see lots of people brag about pictures I think are subpar-to-appalling and I see lots of people act self-conscious about pictures I think they they should brag about. But. I recognize I only have one little corner of the truth and regardless of which end of that spectrum I think people are on, I’m really not going to lash out at them. It’s not my business unless it’s happening on my horse.

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  24. That person must be such an amazing rider that they have perfect equitation over fences that intimidate(d) them… or maybe they never get intimidated at all. Must be nice.

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  25. I just assume everyone is judging me for my confusingly non-classic dressage position (Don’t worry! It’s also typically ineffective! Try it today!) and struggles with flying lead changes. I’m super hard on my own riding and my own achievements. When people say critical things, I kind of just expect it. Also, I’ve handled customer service and social media pages for people for years. There’s just about nothing a horse person could say to me that beats what I’ve already seen. 😉

    At the same time, it was crazy to me when people reached out after Pig and I got my Bronze. People were constantly saying how impressed they were, and how much we inspired them (remember kids, inspiration is one thing but don’t ride like me! You can do it better!) So, thanks also to the blogging community for making me feel a little better about the struggle bus I feel like I am working on daily.

    On that note, congrats to you and Henry! Tackling things that used to be intimidating and feeling capable is the BEST feeling in the world! Be loud and proud about that shit!

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    1. I’m the same way, I always am very aware of the flaws so I just assume other people see them too. Someone pointing them out hardly qualifies as news to me lol. I agree that the positive stuff is really nice though, it’s refreshing to hear those things when you’re always so hard on yourself.

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  26. I’m not going to pretend I don’t notice little flaws when I look at pictures – but just because I see flaws in a photo doesn’t mean I know anything about what is going on in that photo OR that it gives me the right to say anything about it.

    I’ve never been personally critiqued online, but whenever someone feels like criticising me in person (rare, but I do occasionally seem like I’m abusing my horse in public so that can draw some attention), I like to confront the person head on. I’m one hundred percent NOT above talking to calmly and kindly to someone and ultimately making them regret every life decision they made that led them to criticising me. If they were right, I probably already knew it, and if I didn’t I’m glad to hear the feedback. If they were wrong (more likely), then I want them to feel badly for speaking out of turn and judging someone when they didn’t deserve it.

    Just wait til you see me with picketers against human rights.

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    1. I was really hoping the “and ultimately making them regret every life decision…” was going to say “and ultimately making them regret ever being born…” but I guess your way works too. 😉

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  29. Gee, I know I could find dozens of photos of FOUR STAR riders in the EXACT same position you are in in that photo. It’s just staying in the back seat, and I certainly do not see you “ripping your horse’s mouth off”. It sounds like that person who made that comment needs to get a life.

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  30. Not even an eventer, and I can 100% understand that type of seat from that kind of distance to that kind of fence! I’ve definitely been there. And watching the whole gif, even when you’re in the back seat you’re never actually sitting down on his back. It’s crazy to me that people comment that type of stuff on photos, but it’s even crazier to think that person took the time out of their day to send you a personal message. So dumb.

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  31. I’ve had the fortune (or misfortune?) of being an equestrian on various social media sites. Blogs on any platform except tumblr are practically without trolls, and it is real nice. Instagram is chaos, and almost every YouTube comments section puts me through the seven stages of grief. It’s unbelievable how nasty and cruel people can be to each other, BUT no matter where you look, there are still so many positive comments to be seen.

    To be honest, I do judge photos I see, and if I don’t like what I see, I just scroll past. If it’s obvious abuse or misinformation, then there’s reason to say something, but 99% of the time, eh. You look good, Henny looks good, y’all keep having fun.

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    1. I dread the day where we all feel like we have to look perfect in order to post a picture, because that’s the day there will no longer be any pictures on the internet lol.

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  33. I just want to steal your lower leg in that photo. Seriously, that damn thing didn’t move. If you wake up in the morning and there’s nothing below the knees? I have an alibi.

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  34. Ugh. I’m sorry you got a message like that. When I first saw your pic yesterday my first thought was “Damn that’s badass and that jump looks huge!” Keep up the good work, y’all look awesome!

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  36. Amen to all of this. I’ve found that the people who tend to talk the loudest also tend to be the people who have the least experience, so it’s kinda like “OK thank you for your opinion based on the 3 lessons you took as a 13 year old, Imma go work with a professional kbye.” And I gotta tell you in that gif, your balance looks so in tune with Henny’s as you land and it’s majorly inspiring because I am on the struggle bus with landings right now.

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  37. I for the record freaking love that photo. You are both oozing confidence and for that fence and distance I’d say your positron is classic for xc. You are safe and strong and your hands are still following. High five you!

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  39. You should probably just give me that horse since you are too uncoordinated to ride him well enough to suit the internet. Just drop him off at the front gate and I will ride him up the hill to the house.

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  40. It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

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  41. For the record.. I would have pulled up and barfed over the side had I been facing that thing. Kudos to you for riding the shit out of that. I love Henry.. he is a badass beast. If I ever got balls the size of melons and had the desire to ride cross county, I’d pick him as my mount!

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  43. I think you rode that really well, you could see your movement through the air in the video as you stayed out of his way and allowed him do figure it out, I don’t know how people could say you are yanking on his mouth since as he landed you can see him stretch out his neck to balance. The stride happened and you two dealt with it, much better than approaching a fence like that in a short strided SJ canter.

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  44. I always get the feeling the haters are just jealous. You have an amazing horse and an awesome seat. They don’t have the so they have to try to bring you down. Denny Emerson has talked about how he never criticizes other rider’s position in his posts. I never see any big name riders doing so. It’s only the couch surfers who criticize up, never the good riders criticizing down.

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  45. The video reads flawless ride on a massive effort. Really, how could you be any better? I would probably be in a pretzel shape on the ground, dead from that type of effort.

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  46. that gif is even better than the picture – shows the ‘oh wow’ factor of how he just went “scope baby, I have it. Hang on.” Most horses operating at the level he’s at would *always* just slam in a chip stride, because they either don’t have or more likely have never been allowed the freedom to make the choice. Good riders make good choices like this one where you let him make the best decision for him, and in not trying to control this situation, and allowing Henry to be the best damn Henry he can be (which as you’ve noted, majestic AF) you now have pictorial evidence to treasure of the (at least) 2* jump in a horse with a 5* heart.

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  48. Who has time in their life to send those sort of emails in the first place? I have 100.000.000 better things to do (not that I ever would have any criticism to share because I’m not a hateful person and like you said, one picture isn’t the entire story).

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  49. I know your post wasn’t necessarily meant to be humorous, but I found myself laughing at your “so there!” explanation. I get some criticism every now and then, but it’s never particularly hurtful. I think your response was a perfect blend of rational and you’re an idiot. And I am with you – it takes a lot more than an online comment to hurt my feelings. You’ll piss me off before you hurt my feelings. Well done!

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