Stall Psychology

Taking care of your own horses 24/7 definitely gives you a different perspective on them, and you start to learn some weird things. Particularly when cleaning their stalls and picking up their poop day in and day out. Like for instance, I came to notice that Presto’s turds are consistently small for a horse his size, like for real they look more like pony poops. Which led to a closer examination and determination that he has, well… a tiny butthole for a horse his size.

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Seriously I don’t know why you people keep coming to this blog.

Anyway.

Aside from such earth-shattering revelations as tiny buttholes, I’ve also become keenly aware of and interested in their stall-keeping habits. Right now the horses are out for about 12 hours and then inside for about 12 hours. They have nice size stalls with runs attached off the back, so they’re free to come and go between the two spaces as they please. It seems like most of the horses prefer mainly pooping outside and peeing inside, which is nice. Easy to clean. Sometimes they’ll have one or two piles inside, but nothing major. Henry and Presto, however, are polar opposites at extreme ends of the spectrum.

Henry is very much a “poop where he’s standing” type of guy. He doesn’t seem to give it any thought, he just shits wherever he happens to be at the time. There could be 5 piles in his stall in all different spots. Or they could all be piled in one corner. Or he could have mulched it all up into soup. Or maybe it’s all outside. Every day is different, depending on how he spent his night. He seems to give zero shits about laying in poop and has zero motivation to “keep his room clean” so to speak. His is always the dirtiest stall and always takes the longest to clean. You just never know what you’re going to find and where.

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Presto, on the other hand, is the opposite. In the entire two months that they’ve been coming inside at night, he’s pooped in his stall a grand total of twice. His poops are almost always relegated to the very end of the run, spread in a semi-circle next to the fence. Usually he has one pee in his stall, in the exact same spot every day, and he never lays in it. He uses hardly any shavings and it takes maybe 4 minutes to clean his stall and run.

It was kind of surprising to me to find that he’s such a neat stall horse. He’s not a clean horse otherwise, in fact he rolls at the edge of the pond every single day thus always has mud clinging to him somewhere. His mother was a pig in her stall too, so I have no idea where he picked up this inclination. At previous barns where he didn’t have a run, he wasn’t very neat, and often walked everything into a mess when he got bored. Something about having two spaces (and more space) makes him happier I guess?

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With work and my long commute and barn stuff, my days become a balancing act of trying to fit everything in during daylight hours, so the less time I have to spend cleaning stalls, the better. Thus Presto, who always has the cleanest stall of the four, always wins the unofficial Stallkeeper award. If you think about it, it kind of fits.

The whole “I’ll shit where I want and you’ll pick it up because that’s your job” attitude is very Henry. And the desire to please the human and do the good boy thing is very Presto. I’ve found myself pondering this often when I’m cleaning stalls; how weird it is that each horse’s poo habits fit so perfectly with their personality? Obviously the horses aren’t thinking “I’m gonna poop outside because the human prefers it” or “screw her, I shit where I please”… that’s not how their brains work at all. Yet somehow their habits do end up matching their basic personality anyway.

And then I was listening to a book about FBI profiling, and I was thinking maybe you could build a psych profile on a horse based solely on it’s stall keeping habits. Thinking of the four I take care of, you totally could, and you’d be pretty spot on. Perhaps this is a book idea in the making? Could you tell your horse’s psych profile from it’s stall? All this time people have been using whirls to attempt to read personality, but maybe instead we should be gazing into their dirty stalls.

Yes, these are the kind of ground breaking topics I ponder when I’m cleaning stalls. You could probably profile me based on that, too… tiny buttholes and horse personality profiles…

Exploring the Neighborhood

Despite having been out at the new place for about 4 months now, I haven’t had much opportunity to really explore the area. First it was still super hot, then Henry was lame for a while, and it just didn’t happen. But now (knock on copious amounts of wood) Henry is back in regular work again, and we finally got the chance to do some poking around.

There’s a boarding barn pretty much right across the main road from us that recently opened, and they’ve got a covered arena, a decent size outdoor arena, and a lot of land. Fun fact, Sadie did her very first little show there as a 3yo literally a decade ago when the farm was under a different name and management, but I hadn’t been back since then and didn’t remember a whole lot about it.

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we did “hunter versatility” which was basically a little trail course followed by a few crossrails

Bobby mentioned wanting to go trail ride somewhere, so I figured this could be the perfect opportunity to go check out the farm. I’ve been following on facebook and it looks like they’re set to make some improvements, including clearing more trails for conditioning, adding some XC jumps (particularly ditch/bank/water), and putting in a rider gate right across from the stop sign at the end of our road. That would make it all of a 200-300 yard ride to get from our gate to their property. Considering I want to spend most of Presto’s first year under saddle just hacking him out and trail riding, easy access to 80 acres would be a big boon. Plus it would give me a bigger space to do Henry’s conditioning work, or just get him out for a change of scenery. Naturally, I would like to be best friends with these people.

Presto was really excited to meet Halo again and put on his best arabian neck
Henry, not so much

So I made an appointment for us to hack over and ride out there on Sunday. Bobby trailered over to our place, and we got on and rode over to the other farm. On the way over we just rode down to their driveway, which is about half a mile down the main road. It isn’t a particularly busy road but the cars do tend to travel fast… luckily both our horses are well-used to road traffic, so it wasn’t a problem. I wasn’t super clear on exactly what was their land versus other people’s land, but once we got there we figured out that the one big empty front field actually has a gate out onto the main road that spits us out really close to my road, letting us avoid that half mile walk down to the main entrance. Bonus.

The space kind of brought back memories of the fields we lost at the barn that closed last year. It’s slightly rolling, which I think will be super nice for my needs. These wide open spaces just make my heart so happy.

If you can see the green road sign in the distance, our place is like 2-300 yards down that road to the left. Super close! 

We managed to make almost a 2 hour hack out of exploring everything and poking around the farm. They’ve got great bones to work with, and lots of land, so hopefully their vision will come to fruition. It would be great to have an extra big place to go hack the boys, especially if they put XC jumps out there. What a luxury it would be to not have to drive 2 hours each way to do some cross country! There’s also talk of doing some schooling shows (there are already some western dressage ones – their discipline of choice – set for this year), which would also be amazing. In what world have I ever been able to be within riding distance of a show facility? It could be great for Presto especially, as I start putting miles on him.

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Peep Halo’s burgundy sparkles

The facility is offering a one year riding pass for $125, which would be a pretty great deal if I utilized the space even just once a week. I’m excited to see how it comes along and what else they add. Bobby and I definitely had a good time poking around on a gorgeous 70 degree day!

2019’s #1 Biggest Accomplishment

Well, we’ve made it to the end of the 2019 recap posts, and I’ve saved the best for last. It is, perhaps, the pinnacle accomplishment of the year. The crown achievement. The apex. My own personal zenith.

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You see, Bobby has always been a hater of glitter. In fact, I’ve heard him refer to it as “the herpes of the craft world” on many occasions. He has always been the least fabulous, most khaki-wearing, plain black or white saddle pad type of guy in existence. Simple. Straightforward. No frills. It’s quite disappointing at times, to be honest.

Over the years I’ve certainly worked some of my magic on him a bit. Gussied him up, got him looking more modern with his turnout, converted him from synthetic to leather tack. I’ve even slowly but surely turned him into a bit of a shopper, as evidenced by the Burghley trip. Granted, the real reason he went and bought that hunt bridle was because Ben Way had one on one of his young horses, and Bobby is a total fanboy (Ben Way also had a Fairfax breastplate and I tried to talk Bobby into buying one so I could steal it, but apparently his devotion as fanboy ends somewhere well before the $350 mark). But whatever… I totally talked him into all the other things.

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like this shipping halter, which he petted for an uncomfortably long time while we sat at The Maltings

So I think when he switched over into Dressageland this year, he was a lot more primed and ready to accept their blingier culture. I mean, he still went to nationals in a Wintec (which is honestly kind of badass, don’t tell him I said that), but otherwise he looks super legit. He’s even got more than one show coat now, and neither of them is a women’s blazer (he will never live that down as long as I’m around).

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But still, when I showed him the Punk Ponies glitter boots, I expected him to make some kind of herpes comment. Because they’re glitter. Bobby HATES glitter. Like he once threatened to tit punch me because I entertained the idea of sending him a glitter bomb in retribution after he sent me an anonymous package of gummy weens (which was not anonymous at all because I only know one asshole that would send me that).

So you could have knocked me over with a feather when he LOVED the boots. And then proceeded to order himself a set. And not only did he order himself glitter boots, he ordered them in NAVY. WHAAAAAT? Seriously, he has lived and died by black/white/red for the entire time I’ve known him. Navy, while absolutely the best color, is just as far out in left field for Bobby as glitter. NAVY GLITTER? Has he been body snatched?

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He has seen the light.

And I mean… I don’t want to gloat, but…

I totally got Bobby into navy glitter.

Let me just revel in that for a second.

But it didn’t stop there. Not only did he buy the boots, but he also went back and ordered the matching navy glitter pad. Yep, that’s right, now he’s 1. Navy 2. Glitter 3. Matchy. Hell hath frozen over friends. There is no way I can top this accomplishment.

Indeed, he decided he liked the navy so much that he also found and ordered some burgundy glitter.

TWO sets of glitter. And neither are black. He’s even talking about coordinating browbands. Who is this person?

I don’t know what happened, or how it happened, but… this is a glorious moment in history, friends. Light a candle for the old Bobby, who swore that Halo didn’t wear boots or bonnets because he didn’t like them, owned one black saddle pad and one white saddle pad, and liked his plastic tack because he could hose it off. Now he’s a full-fledged tack cleaning, outfit-coordinating, matchy, glittery DQ. I mean, he still won’t buy things unless they’re a good deal or on sale, because I raised him right, but he DOES have a weakness for pretty things that didn’t exist before.

Maybe I should just retire. I can’t top this.

2019 Top 5: The Miscellany

We talked about the best parts of 2019 and the more disappointing parts of 2019… now we get to the rest. Maybe these seem like totally random categories, but in case you haven’t noticed, I myself am pretty freaking random, so it fits.

Top 5 favorite products

This was TOUGH because I acquired so many things this year that I really love. I had to go with the ones that either made the biggest impact or sparked the most joy.

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The Burghley hunt bridle – I found a few good deals at Burghley and this one is definitely my favorite. It’s the classy, classic hunt bridle that I’ve always wanted, and was so cheap I almost feel like I stole it. Henry looks dapper AF in it.

Dark sparkle boots – technically I have two dark sparkly boot items, Henry’s Cavallo boot and Presto’s set of open fronts. They both make me way happier than they should, but dammit if those dark sparkles aren’t fabulous.

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Premier Equine merino wool pads – probably the most practical thing on the list, but I got these hoping they’d help with Henry’s rubbing issues and they’ve done that and more. They’re so reasonably priced, are holding up well, have superb airflow, are really pretty… I have no complaints about them and now own 4. I’d have more if they had other color combos that I liked (can we do hunter green with navy, please?). Possibly my #1 favorite product of the year.

Spikey browband and bonnet – okay again this is 2 things, but they’re both spikey so I’m saying it counts as one. I love spikes. Maybe it’s weird that I also like sparkles, but… it’s who I am. The spiked browband looks badass AF on Henry’s XC bridle, and Presto wore it at FEH Championships. The bonnet was really meant for Presto to wear eventually, but Henry has donned it a couple times. It’s my favorite bonnet. Plus they’re from two of my favorite small businesses.

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Neue Schule bit – I know some people think these are overpriced and overhyped, and maybe they are, but all I know is that Henry loves his Tranz Angled Lozenge Eggbutt. Will it magically take your horse from llama to Valegro? Of course not. But for me it took a horse that was 75% happy in contact and made him 99% happy in contact, and much more relaxed in his mouth and topline. I’ve tried a lot of bits on him over the years and he’s by far the happiest in this one. Probably because he just likes to test my devotion by making me buy him expensive things.

Honorable mention to the shirt with Henry’s XC face all over it. God that thing is GLORIOUS, it deserves to be on this list for sure.

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behold

 

Top 5 most popular posts

The massive Black Friday sales post is always #1 and this year was no different, with 10k hits. So let’s toss that one aside and take the top 5 “regular” posts.

Let me make myself unpopular for a minute – ah SafeSport, you were the gift that really kept on giving all year. I have a feeling that will continue into 2020.

Why I don’t calculate the cost – explaining my complete aversion to tracking horse expenses.

It’s OK to just not – the art of doing what you actually want instead of what you feel like you should want

Neue Schule bit review – ha, see I’m not the only one obsessed with them

Gutted – when I found out the old barn was being sold to developers

 

Top 5 favorite podcasts

I spend a lot of time in the car, so audiobooks and podcasts were a big part of my year. Mostly podcasts, because audiobooks get expensive.

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Buckoff banter – I’m sorry but the Brits are just waaaaaay fucking funnier than we are. This is the only horse podcast I listen to religiously, always on the day it comes out.

In the Dark season 2 – this was originally out in 2016 I think, but I just listened to it this year. And holy crap. Crime, race relations, scandal, conspiracy… it’s a horrifying story that’s got everything and will leave you outraged.

Believed – originally from 2018 but again I just listened to it this year. THIS is why we have SafeSport. THIS is how predators get away with it for so long. THIS is how many lives they can completely ruin in the process.

Hunting Warhead – another one related to child sexual abuse, the dark web, and what they’re really doing and thinking. The whole SS/GM thing set me off down this path and it was certainly enlightening. It’s next level bonkers to see into the minds of these people, but it was also really educational.

Root of Evil – a family does some digging and finds compelling evidence that makes them believe that a relative was the Black Dahlia killer. History and murder, two of my favorite things.

 

Top 5 favorite memes

Yeah this is silly, but look y’all, memes got me through some tough times this year. I love a good meme, I can’t help it.

Gotta have a baby Yoda meme

I can’t explain why but this one makes me actually laugh out loud no matter how many times I see it.

Valid coping mechanism

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Sadly, the vet bills were high AF.

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Sorry, I try to keep politics off of here, but this is hands down my favorite of the year, so…

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Happy 2020

Happy 2020 everyone!

festive as always

I stayed up a little bit late (like 10:15… I normally go to bed at 9 so that’s late for me) to make sure the horses weren’t worried about the fireworks, and luckily they weren’t. The neighbors have been shooting god only knows what in the woods for the past couple weeks so I guess everyone is well accustomed to the pop-bang-pop-bang noise by now. I sat at the table doing a Harry Potter jigsaw puzzle (sometimes your dork level reaches maximum, what can I say) and watching the horses on the cameras until I was comfortable that there wouldn’t be any trouble, then I went to bed.

But not before coming across this meme, which might be a new favorite. New year, new memes.

I decided a while back that I didn’t want to do a goals post this year. I’ve gotten away from that more and more as time has gone on, and I didn’t feel like it was really enriching my life or adding any value. It kind of just made me want to chase the things that may or may not be the right ones, as time moves on and circumstances change. Maybe instead 2020 is the year of “fuck it, let’s see what happens” and being more receptive to going with the flow and adapting to whatever life may bring, rather than feeling like it HAS to go the way I’ve plotted it out in my head. Not rudderless, per se, but more like sails up and receptive to go wherever the wind takes us.

That was a lot of boat references in one sentence.  My apologies.

Really I think Muddy Mayhem laid out my feelings pretty well in her facebook post yesterday:

This is Marla. Marla is going to say it.
Marla fucking hates new year. She hates people trying to schedule ‘fun’, she hates the competitiveness of looking back at how much she might have (or not) achieved, she hates the weight of expectation that somehow what she has done already wasn’t enough & this year she needs to ‘step it up’ & smash 2020.

Because the thing is, Marla might not have glittering results, frillies, championship qualifications & eleventy billion sponsorship deals but Marla knows this. She did her fucking best.

Yes, sometimes that felt like it fell majorly short. There were still dressage tests that were twatlaps of chaos, show jumping rounds where she couldn’t see a stride even if there had been a massive flashing sign saying ‘Oi Twatchops THIS is the spot you want’ & Cross country rounds where her fuck ups picked up faults & even going training there were visits from The Fuckening that left her doubting whether she should even still be riding, let alone attempting to event. But Marla knows this: every time she went out & put a saddle & bridle on her horse, she wanted to do her best. And you can’t apply a shiny social media filter to & a hashtag to that…because, quite frankly, that is enough.

Marla has learnt that not everyone is going to like her & she can’t change that ( she also gets it because quite often she doesn’t like herself either) but she has a crew of people who, despite her loud, brashness & potty mouth, quite like having her around. They are the people cheering with her when she’s happy, sending her messages when she might be feeling low & inspiring her with a year planner filled in with what she should be aiming for. These are the people that matter, because to these she is enough.

Marla loves her horses. She appreciates the privilege of having them in her life. This last year she has realised that having that beautiful head looking over a stable door happy & healthy means more than any competition result, that doing your best for the horse in your life is more than any frilly. It is enough.

So if any wants Marla she is saying this. She is tiptoeing forward to 2020, with more wrinkles & grey hair, a slightly fatter arse (by the next decade that fucker is going to have its own postcode) but with a dream, a passion & the knowledge that she is enough.

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She said it better than I ever could.

So Happy New Year everyone, I wish you all the best! And oi twatchops (which I will now be using on a regular basis, god I love the Brits despite their insistence on all that Brexit nonsense), I hope your fuckenings and twatlaps of chaos are maybe a little fewer and farther between.