I’m a bit stumped at how to even begin to write a 2025 wrap up post, or what to say. For I while I decided I just wouldn’t say anything at all, and intended to let the end of the year pass without fanfare. Ultimately, though, that didn’t feel right either. Y’all know by now that I’m not a woman of few words (how many times do you think my editors have asked me to shorten something?).

I turned 42 years old this year – my favorite number. The nerds among us that have read or seen The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (if you haven’t I will pause here to insist you go culture yourself immediately) will recognize the number 42. In the story, people build a supercomputer called Deep Thought, and ask it to figure out the meaning of life, the universe, and everything in it (side note, this book is from 1979 but that sure is sounding reminiscent of how so many people use modern day AI, is it not?). After 7.5 million years of computing, Deep Thought spits out the answer to the ultimate question: 42. The significance or lack thereof when it comes to the number 42 is never explained in the story, and people have been debating it ever since.

Personally I’ve always found that answer to be amusing, and deeply satisfying. It embodies the idea that the meaning of life is whatever you want it to be… it’s what you make it. It certainly isn’t for someone or something else to figure out for you. In April I had the number 42 tattooed on the back of my leg, and I dunno how to explain it, but I just had a sense that this year would be one of clarity for me. (am I getting more woo woo with age? Perhaps. Please do not ask questions about my Tiger’s Eye necklace, it’ll make me seem even more like a feral bog witch than I already do)

In every way, that feels like exactly what happened. I learned A LOT this year. About myself, about the world we live in, about the systems we’re part of (for better or worse), about my role in it, and about what really “fills my cup”, so to speak. Authenticity has always been incredibly important to me, and although I tend to keep my cards pretty close to my chest (my close friends really deserve awards for persevering enough to actually get to know me), I do feel like I’ve become more and more authentically myself as I’ve gotten older. I used to fear aging, and now I find myself embracing it. The bullshit really does start to fade away over time.

But the process of that – it’s not always great. It’s uncomfortable. I could probably try to throw some kind of motivational quote at you about how everything you want is just on the other side of discomfort or blah blah blah. Don’t worry, I won’t do that to you because it would irritate the shit out of me, too. The truth is that some changes – the ones that aren’t really physically SEEN – almost feel more like a reckoning. They shake you to your core. For me, someone who has a very hard time being vulnerable and is slow to understand/process my own feelings… this year has seen some hard days. I’ve spent a lot of time questioning literally everything.

This year I saw things in our federal government, local and online communities, and equestrian governing bodies that I cannot unsee or dismiss. I simultaneously feel like I know too much but not enough. 2025 was one of those that said “do we take the easy way out and just give up, or do we stand up and fight in whatever ways we can?”. I choose the latter.

I’ve done a lot this year to cultivate my life to reflect what I want to see, hear, and embody. I unfollowed social media accounts that don’t align with my values. I stopped shopping at some stores and websites. I cancelled A LOT of accounts with businesses that were using my money in ways I don’t agree with. I started actively searching out companies and people that feel true to ME and what I stand for. It’s easy to feel like you’re just one person and one person doesn’t make a difference, but MANY people sure do, and you can’t get many unless you start with one.

In all the ways that 2025 sometimes felt like living in a house on fire, there were still plenty of highlights for the reel.

• My second-gen homebred that very nearly didn’t make it past the first two weeks of his life moved up to Preliminary, and did the 1.20m jumpers at WEC. And while of course those things are fun little checkboxes to tick, really I learned just how much I love this horse, even when he sometimes makes it difficult to do so. He brings joy to my life every single day, and that’s the part you can’t capture in a social media highlight reel.
• I figured out that truly, I like the process of learning more than I like competing. I’ve always had an on again/off again relationship with competition, but this year was the first time since I was a kid that I was actually able to be in a consistent lesson and training program all year long. Honestly, that’s the part that keeps me going. For me it’s just FUN to learn, and to see my horses get better. Competing is fun too, and definitely has it’s place in my world and probably always will, but it’s not what fuels or fulfills me.
• I got to see my top 4 FAVORITE bands/artists in concert (Bad Omens, Sleep Token, Billie Eilish, and Motionless in White), and share the experience with some of my bestest friends. Music is incredibly important to me, so this was big. I dunno if it’s the neurodivergence, but music and lyrics have always helped me understand myself and connect to people, especially the music of those particular artists.
• My business has taken off such that, for the first time since I started, I’m currently not taking on new clients for 2026.
• I found that when I started to shut the door on things that don’t align with who I am, other opportunities found me. Potentially big ones, and ones that give me a feeling of ongoing purpose. I’m understanding more and more just how precious TIME is, and I want to spend it wisely and meaningfully. There’s so much potential for big and purposeful change in our industry, and these could be opportunities for me to take some of that disillusionment I’ve felt this year and turn it into something positive. (We love being a do-er and not just a complainer, amiright?)

But most importantly of all, when I think back on the moments that added the most value to my life this year, it really wasn’t the accomplishments or the achievements on the highlight reel. It was the moments that held a lot of deeper meaning. Like the moment the curtain dropped at the Sleep Token concert (that my crazy ass flew to SEATTLE for) and simultaneously my friend belted out a series of squawks that could only be described as cockatoo-esque. Or the time when the maiden mare didn’t lay down during labor and it took three of us to get that slippery gooey dolphin of a foal safely into the world (a truer and slimier bonding experience does not exist, lemme tell ya). Or hacking around the farm after a particularly challenging horse show and realizing that this – getting to ride horses that I love, live in a place that I find to be incredibly beautiful, do life with people that add meaning to it, and admittedly sometimes participate in some exceptionally weird shit – those are the things that make up my 42.

For that, 2025, I thank you.