Indoctrinated

And just like that, it’s 2023.

Please hold, when I typed that I just sat here and realized that I turn 40 this year. I thought I was 38. Gonna need a minute to process that. What the fu….

Lex be like “yes hi please stop taking my picture and give me my damn dinner”

Anyway, we’ll deal with that particular existential crisis later, let’s talk about the fun stuff that happened last week instead.

First and foremost, I had a jump lesson on Presto. Specifically grid work, which was super good for him. We hadn’t jumped since the show like a week and a half before, and I’ve noticed that if we spend too long at home without going anywhere and challenging his brain with something beyond conditioning and flatwork, he starts to make up fun games. And when I say fun games, I mean fun for him. The day before the jump lesson he was playing a game of Corner Ballerina (you know, where you spin like a ballerina in every corner). He thinks that one is hilarious.

So off he went the next day for gymnastics, where he spent the first times through the line swearing that he was just way too tired to use his booty to push himself off the ground properly. That’s a lie. He is just a big young horse that would prefer to avoid using said booty because it’s hard. He got it by the end though. And then the next day he got a massage from his favorite bodyworker, because ya know… hard knock life. (lets ignore the fact that I’ve been unable to stand fully upright for like 2 weeks because I tweaked something in my back while I was SLEEPING. It’s fine.).

My Christmas present to myself arrived too…

If you said “Jesus, that’s shiny.” or “Good Lord”, or “You could see that thing from space”… yes. Yes you are correct. I dunno man, my helmets are coming up on their expiration and I’m having a real glossy moment right now and this one was on sale for like $100. Plus it fits me really well. So who am I to question the audaciousness of the glitter plus glossy combo? It is a whole-ass lot. I’m kind of obsessed with it.

On that same theme….

Sunday we had our barn holiday party at Steph’s, complete with a taco bar and a White Elephant gift exchange. As soon as Party Coordinator Libby (who is also a Steph student, a fantastic friend, a blog reader, a Patron, and the owner of Higher Standards Leather Care) said White Elephant, I knew exactly what I was going to bring. I did not pause for even a moment – I marched straight over to Amazon and got this glorious creature.

Hillary is modeling it here

I mean. Come on. Who doesn’t need one of those? It got stolen the max number of times in the White Elephant, so we’ll call it a success. And I walked away with a Harry Potter sorting hat, so like… win/win on that one.

Libby also got me a Christmas present.

Here’s where I should preface and say that these people are Croc lovers. Like…. really into Crocs. Pretty much everyone at the barn has multiple pairs, they wear them all the time, are hardcore devotees. And I have nothing against that. You do you, bro. But I’m not wearing them.

Right?

RIGHT?

wrong, bitches

Libby rolled up in there with these black glitter crocs, complete with skull charms, all wrapped up in a unicorn gift bag. How thoughtfully manipulative, using all my favorite things to convert me. I stood no chance, really.

I put them on, flipped them into sport mode, and I’ve basically been wearing them ever since. Even into PUBLIC, and I didn’t give one flying fuck about who might have been judging me. You know why? First of all, look at them. Second of all, they’re stupid comfortable. I am shooketh. I don’t even know what happened.

If you don’t have friends that indoctrinate you into some weird shoe cult against your will, are you even living?

9 thoughts on “Indoctrinated

  1. Welcome to your 40th year. You are doing very well – the fist step is about not giving a rats ass about what people think about your clothing choices. They can advert their damn eyes. You want sparkles? Wear them. You want crocs with sparkles & skulls? Fuck yes!
    In all seriousness, turning 40 was like a switch flicking for me, and a new confidence and comfort with just being in my own skin emerged. Wisdom, I guess is what we could call it. I wish some of this would have happened to 20’s & 30’s year old me. I would have been a lot kinder and forgiving to myself.
    As for the unicorn costume, I would have fought for that beauty too!

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  2. Man, I feel you on the back! I’m (ahem) early 40’s as well, and my back gives me the middle finger for really stupid reasons like picking up a blanket so I can take a nap, and putting a trash bag in the trash can. I live in CT and it’s a mixed blessing, my footing is so soupy right now that I can only ride at a walk, but hey, my back won’t take anything more than a walk anyway… I hear you on getting your horse a massage instead of yourself, but if you know a good sports masseur, it’s totally worth it. I broke down and got a massage the other day, she made my glutes and hamstrings use some adult language, but I’m also feeling a lot better and she recommended some stretches to start getting balanced again. Good luck taking care of yourself!

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  3. Oh. How about that. Glitter crocs. Someone in their marketing department really knows what they’re doing.

    As for being two years older than you realized, it’s understandable. We had two years that weren’t with that pesky ‘Rona, so I think we should all get those two years back. Sadly, that would still make me over 40 though. Now that I think about, I’m owed a 40th birthday party still!

    Lastly, I was not aware of the Corner Ballerina game, but Al seems to know it. Perhaps I’ll enjoy it more now that I know it’s a thing? Maybe? Or… how do I make it stop?

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  4. Love the unicorn, love the Crocs, love the socks, love that new helmet! What, pray tell, brand IS it though? I thought it was a swanky Euro brand like KASK or something, but if you got one of those for a hundred bucks it must have *koff* fallen off the back of a truck. Do tell, please!

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  5. I had the exact same epiphany this year. I seriously thought I was 38 until I did some math (hard stuff!) and was hit with the realization that I will be 4-0 this year. its such a milestone the weight of planning what I’m going to do for it slapped my face. What does one do for a 40th? Hot air balloon race? Rose chugging contest? Cruise to Mexico? ugh. too much pressure.

    I’m glad you are joining the crocs train. After rolling my ankle in Danskos one too many times I became a convert and never looked back. I opted for the ‘professional’ line that does not have the holes since micro-cut shavings would always get in the croc holes (is there a term for this) ? But since you have the standard hole version – you should look into getting the little croc widgets that are FLASHLIGHTS so your feets have individual lights on them. Night check has never been easier!

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