Do you ever have one of those moments when you see, with perfect clarity, just how effing creepy you are? This was me last weekend at the barn.
I was riding Henry, heading out toward the arena. To get there you walk up the fence line of Presto’s pasture, and he always comes up to the fence to be nosy say hi. So I stopped to talk to him, as one does, and just sat there on my best boy, rubbing my next-best-boy’s face, staring at them with hearts in my eyes and grinning my fool head off. In that moment I realized that I was looking at them the way same way Meghan looks at Harry.
You know that look… 98% adoration, with just a tiiiiinge of that super crazy stalker chick from Wedding Crashers.
I’m willing to admit that I might possibly be a little bit obsessed with these two horses, like way more than any others I’ve had before. Just looking at them makes me smile, no matter how bad my day was. I don’t even know if there’s a human on this planet that I like that much.
I have full-blown conversations with Henry sometimes. I even tell him about the course before we go out on cross country (“there’s a corner out of the water, don’t be surprised” or “I’m legit terrified of the weldon’s wall, please help me out, I’ll give you a whole bag of cookies if you jump it” I have no problem with bribery, and yes I always pay up). He stands there and at least pretends to listen intently, humoring me most likely. He does that a lot. I know Henry so well at this point, and he’s so outwardly emotional, I swear I can tell what he’s thinking. It’s easy to have a conversation with him.
The discussions with Presto tend to be more along the lines of “let go of that, it’s expensive”, “did you just eat a rock?”, “he/she does NOT want to be your friend… see, I told you”, “you’re gonna scare yourself if you don’t drop it…. see, I told you”, “PERSONAL SPACE, BRO”, etc etc. Maybe someday I’ll be having full-blown conversations with him, too.
I haven’t always been like this. There’s something about these two horses that has turned me into a stage five clinger. Hence how I find myself sitting there staring at them like one of them hung the moon and the other hung the stars.
You know when you’re younger and you sit there imagining your Dream Horse… probably the perfect shade of dapple gray or some shit, with perfect markings, the perfect size, your favorite breed, with a certain personality, blah blah blah. Oh how little we know. I look at my two (like a creeper), both very very different horses, neither of them top level anything, but at they same time they’re both a dream horse for me in their own right. Henry, in all of his very emotional, broody, downhill, appendix-lookalike glory, who really HAS hung the moon in my world. And then Presto, the outgoing, happy go lucky, resilient, athletic homebred that represents the future. I’ve adored him completely from that very first second when I saw his tiny little white nose enter the world, and there’s already so much history between us even though he’s only 2 1/2.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking and you’re right… I’m definitely that crazy horse lady, no doubt about it. I realized that about two seconds after I realized I was staring at my horses like Meghan stares at Harry. Please tell me I’m not alone.
breedrideevent.com 
So everything you say to Presto is something that I say regularly to Frankie. Because big brown goofy goobers gonna be goobers. I’ve also been known to loudly say “YOU ARE SO PERFECT AND YOU’VE DONE NOTHING WRONG EVER IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.” He has such an expressive face that he’s hard to NOT talk to.
Stage five clingers unite, I’m on the crazy stalker obsession train for my perfectly imperfect creature too.
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Okay, so I didn’t know that this isn’t how everyone is with their horses. So uh, guess I’m a way crazier horse lady than I realized. But listening to my miniature horse grumble at me as I mix her feed is one of the highlights of my day, as is my paint mare sticking her nose in my face to get her kiss before she devours her grain. I talk to most animals though. I always ask my chickens and ducks how their day was and give some sort of response based on the noises they make. The horses get a bigger variety of conversations though. …this really isn’t normal?
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Stage five clinger…lol So, if someone were to call their mini “my wittle weiner schnitzel” and make kissing noises to him, would that make them a stage five clinger? Asking for a friend.
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I’m pretty sure Kim Walnes had full conversations with The Grey Goose, and she felt he truly understood them, so sounds like you are in good company.
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Just came in from cleaning the paddock, where I may have been chatting away while caving in to the twice daily demand for back scratches with the manure fork…
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Nope, same. I am pretty much psycho for Eli.
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If that’s the creepiest you get, I’d say you are winning at life.
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Not alone! Foster still gets these ooey-gooey looks from me. Jack’s sweet moments are fewer and farther between, but sometimes I look at him and I’m like damn, actually you a fine piece of horseflesh!
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Yeah, totally the same. I just even talk about how much I love my horse and I get misty-eyed. It’s bad.
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Honestly, is it even worth it if you *don’t* look at your horses like that?
I guess I’ve long since embraced my inner creeper….
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OK, I guess add me to the list of creepers. It takes me twice as long to feed or muck out as it probably should because I have to take breaks to say hi and watch them and stuff 🙂
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How many cookies per day is considered “reasonable”? How many in a 3 minute time span? Asking for a friend.
If I moved on to the same property as my horse while working from home, I’d spend all day checking out the window to see what he’s doing. To find him looking in the window to see what I was doing.
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Yep. I stare googly eyed at my three on the daily and wonder how the hell I got so lucky.
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Husband always accuses me of looking at my horses that way, too. Can’t help it!
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So not alone! I swear Rio was my soulmate. I knew what he was thinking, and I’m pretty sure he knew me the same way. I always had conversations with him about everything. We talked about courses, where I needed him to help me, and where I could help him. Even our last talk, I swear he told me what to do.
It’s the most amazing connection in the world. I hope to have it again some day. And I’m glad you’re having it too ❤
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