Jen’s post yesterday about snakes reminded me that I haven’t yet told the story of Rattlesnakepocalypse 2015 to the readers here. Maybe because just thinking about it makes me shudder and triggers severe PTSD. I should start off by saying that in the 19 years I have lived in Texas, I’ve seen ONE rattlesnake. ONE. And that was a few years ago. Granted, I saw it only because after it bit my lease horse Kai on the nose, the grooms went and found it and killed it.
We know the snakes are there, but we basically never see them. It’s really rare to find them near any place with regular activity (like a barn) and if you do stumble upon one, they tend to want to get the hell out of dodge just as much as you do.
This year however… this is the end of times. Pretty sure the Bible was wrong about the plague of locusts, it’s a plague of rattlers. First the Barn Owner found this little guy in the garage
Which – ok, the garage, I can give him that. It’s pretty quiet in there and he might have found something to eat.
But then one showed up at the barn. This is ultra strange because #1 – there’s a lot of horse and people activity. #2 There’s cats. #3 I have never seen a rodent or even a hint of a rodent in that barn. They stay out in the fields in their own little world and we never see them. WHY ARE YOU HERE, SNAKE?
This guy was BIG. Not as big as I’ve seen online, but BIG when you’re standing there staring at it. He was slowly making his way up the back of the stalls behind the barn when we found him. Brandy and I tried to kill him with a shovel but he managed to wedge himself into a small space so instead we just babysat him until the BO could get down there and kill him. And when I say Brandy and I tried to kill him with a shovel, I mean Brandy tried to kill him with a shovel while I ran backwards at a high rate of speed. And when I say we babysat him I mean Brandy watched him while I said “HE DIDN’T MOVE, DID HE? IS HE STILL THERE?”.
This is Brandy: “Wow he’s so interesting looking. Wow it’s so LOUD. Wow I’ve never seen one before!”
This is me: DIS BITCH AIN’T GONNA DIE TODAY
And then, a few days later, the BO almost stepped on one just hanging out in the barn aisle when she went down to do night check.
A neighbor a mile or so down the road found a little one on their driveway, so it’s not just us.
That was bad enough right? Snakes in the barn. Snakes near the horses. Snakes everywhere. But wait, it gets worse. A few days later Dressage Trainer, whose barn is about 10 minutes away, sent this picture of a visitor he found in his barn bathroom.
Yes that’s the shower. Yes that’s a giant freaking rattlesnake wrapped around the shower curtain rod.
My most sane and logical response to this picture was pretty much that we should just burn down the entire place. That’s the only reasonable thing I can think of.
Then I decided I’m not safe inside OR outside and now I’ve got this new habit of checking around the toilet for snakes. And the shower. And the bed. And the closet. And my tack trunk. And my car. And basically everywhere I go or think about going. Yes I live in the city and the snakes seem to prefer the country. Don’t care. They could be anywhere. Rattlesnakepocalypse 2015, y’all.
If anyone needs me I’ll be moving to Canada.
breedrideevent.com 
NO FUCKING WAY. Holy shit the shower one is creepy!!!! Good luck ever living in peace again :/….
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I will never be entering that bathroom. Ever.
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That giant NOPE on the shower curtain rod is good enough reason to never move south…in fact I think I may be pushing the limits already in Indiana. This is horrifying….stay safe you guys!
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I feel like Indiana can’t possibly be far enough. Maybe try Ontario. Nova Scotia is supposed to be nice. Even Alaska maybe? Grizzlies don’t hide in the shower.
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It’s too cold for most things in Alaska. One of the only reasons I miss it is because of the lack of scary things. The mosquitoes are giant, but I feel like I could suck it up and deal with them.
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True story: Rattlers are super common in Brown County. Like, they advise never going off trail there, and being super cautious.
Also, we have Copperheads in Indiana. So, STAY OUT OF THE FREAKING LAKES. I don’t have a problem with snakes, until I’m FUCKING SWIMMING WITH ONE! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
Childhood nightmares right there, yo.
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OH HELL NO!
This is why I do not swim in ponds or lakes in Ohio. I saw a snake swimming in a lake when I was at church camp as a 9 year old. From that moment on, I decided that swimming in ponds and lakes was best left to those who don’t freak the fuck out about snakes and/or have a death wish. We have copperheads too and NO, JUST NO! Also, I do not like lakes because eels. They are basically fish-snakes.
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Did you hear that they’ve been finding rattlesnakes in the Capital building downtown? Apparently one bit someone last week. Awesome.
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OMG I know remember why I LEFT TEXAS> Homesick gone. Stay in DELAWARE LOL
I have shivers and chills and gross outs going on here i dont think i can look at the photos again!!
UGH UGH UGH you might want to move up here, we have extra room 🙂
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i’d rather go Oregon/Washington-ish I think… less snow. 😉
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hey you love snow. you took enough photos of it 🙂
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snow is a novelty item, not a way of life
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This.
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Nope. NopeNopeNopeNopeNope.
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They bring rattlesnakes to the Capitol every year to promote the Sweetwater Rattlesnake hunt/fest. I’ll go ahead and put you Don as a “no.”
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Down*
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Well if they need to find some rattlesnakes for the cause, they’re welcome to come out and take some.
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Lol I guess you’ve never seen what the hunt looks like? They round up THOUSANDS. Fortunately they kill most of them.
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This is my nightmare
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omg noooooooo! ugh, why can’t they just stay out in the wild and do their thing far far far away from the barn and horses and people?
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Nope can’t do it. Kill them all.
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Kill it with fire seems completely acceptable to me!
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Oh hellllll no. I think this post needs a Snakes on a Plane/Barn meme.
And, California’s nice, bc I know you love CA, but not many rattlers here. 😛
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one rattler is too many
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Oh man, I don’t even do BUGS like those stinky beetles or spiders… much like MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES on a MOTHERFUCKING PLANE. No way.
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I second this sentiment wholeheartedly.
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That is horrible. I’d have to move. Yuck!
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neil degrasse tyson is my spirit animal. i even touched the rattler (when it was dead–i’m not an idiot!). it was so cool! i really wanted to see its fangs, but that tested the limits of my certainty that it was dead.
what was really creepy was how it kept slithering even after charlie bashed it.
also, it was so dense. when i hit it with the shovel, the shovel practically recoiled. it was like one big giant muscle!
oh, and remember sherri saying that it looked like it had just eaten something. amazing!
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Vomit.
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Fun fact that snakes can move for hours once they are dead. And not so fun fact that dead poisonous snakes can still strike somewhat (depending on how mangled it is)!
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Yup also this. Even the decapitated head can still strike (and inject venom) hours after death. Fun facts!
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HOLY SHIT. I am going to have nightmares for weeks about that shower snake. WEEKS.
PS- any post with a Monty Python gif wins the Post of the Day award. Congrats 🙂
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The shower snake will never leave your psyche. Trust me.
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Wow that is crazy!! Hope those are the last you have to encounter. Maybe y’all should bring in a bunch of King snakes to take care of your rattlesnake problem.
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I never did see a rattlesnake when I lived in San Antonio, which I am thankful for. Though, there was one morning that I scooped up a handful of baby snake with Chloe’s morning hay…that was pretty gross! We just had a large snake (non-rattler version I am assuming), visit the arena this last weekend, now I make sure I double check my boots before I put them on, the tack room, etc….
The one in the bathrrom would have been the end for me!
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Omg no. Just no.
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NO. NOT OK. I am on the lookout everytime I am at the barn. CA desert = rattle snakes. There are lots of little bunnies running around and I know the snakes are out there. I like to think it’s busy enough around the barn and horses that they would not hang around. But still, constant vigilance!
They have found 2 (that I know of!) near the house at the front of the property. No coot, snakes.
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And this is why I love winter.
Not actually. I actually hate winter, but it serves to kill all the bugs and keeps the reptiles small.
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OH MY GAWD. I WILL NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT SNOW AGAIN.
SERIOUSLY, THOSE SNAKES ARE HUGE. I WANT TO CRY & THROW UP AT THE SAME TIME.
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gross gross gross gross gross
my best friend lives in Texas and often sends me snake photos – snakes in the barn, snakes with chickens, snakes in house, snakes everywhere. I’m just thankful the snakes in Tennessee aren’t bad…
gross gross gross.
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This is not okay with me. None of it. Especially not the shower curtain.
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Is it wrong I actually feel bad for the snakes?
Like, I get that they do not belong in a barn but I don’t think they want to be killed (obv I realize you can’t do much about it) 😦
Kinda feel bad for the gaffers – wrong place, wrong time and all that.
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My boyfriend does too. I however, do not. It’d be different if it was a harmless snake, but one that can kill a human or an animal unfortunately has to go once it crosses into a space where it becomes a threat. Coexistence just isn’t safe.
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I was just scrolling through cringing at the pics until the shower one.
NOPE.
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. NO WAY. NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE
I’ve read all the comments and my skin is STILL crawling. Gross. yuck. ew. NO! (how many ways can I express how skeezed out I am by this?)
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Ha, Aimee sent me the snake on the shower rod picture and it made me super happy. And confused. Because rattlesnakes don’t like water. But I didn’t know it was from YOU. I’m sorry. I know the average human does not enjoy rattlesnakes. I do, but I am weird as hell and they don’t be climbing on things in my house.
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So scary!! We have them here in Idaho too and it’s just not right. Not right at all. We see them fairly often unfortunately. Now I am creeped out.
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They’re bad this year. We’ve had three inside at work and I’m north of Austin.
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Oh jesus don’t tell me that. Now I’m checking under my desk…
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I lived in North Fort Worth for 10 years, my family had a pact. If we ever found any snake in the house, we were selling the house…furnished! Us, the clothes on our backs and our animals were leaving!
Burning the barn down seem perfectly acceptable to me. Glad we are back in the PNW. I will take some cloudy days over the snakes anytime!
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PS, come to Western Washington, only small garter snakes. No chiggers, no black widows, no scorpions, no red ants. Lots of great horse people!
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I feel the pain! And if you want more, come and join us down in south Arizona. We have them all…
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O_O I am all of a sudden totally fine with snowpocalypse 2015.
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I am so creeped out right now and I’m thousands of miles away. And I just checked under my office desk just in case. Yikes!!!
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Forever scarred by the shower snake… YIKES!!!!!!!
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This is curiously well-timed because today, for the first time ever, I saw a HUGE gopher snake IN OUR ARENA. When I petted him on the tail (he was moving slowly and I wanted to pat him, naturally) he slithered further IN to the arena, instead of out into the grassy border!! Silly guy. I escorted him to the outside of the arena where he would be safe. I’ve seen baby king snakes before (king snakes and rattlers don’t overlap, fortunately!) in our drainage ditch, but never anything that big. It was cool!
Rattlesnakes however are uncool and I believe we should all avoid one another and that would be just great thx.
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Napalm. Just a whole lot of napalm all over that bitch.
This is why I like the cold, very happy to be shoveling snow instead of snakes.
NOPE NOPE NOPE.
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Oh hell no, now I don’t even want to go home to NM next week. Too close.
BRB, taking up… squash or racquetball or something indoors and where those don’t exist.
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indoors isn’t safe either
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THAT IS SO COOL! I’m with Brandy… I love snakes. Not that rattlers in a barn is a good thing… but… they are really awesome and fascinating! We actually do have rattlers here in PA up in the mountains so I’ve seen one or two. However… if there was one in my shower that would be pretty scary!
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Omg!!!!! Not ok.. I’ll move!!
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I made the blog! I’m so proud!
Also, it seems that Brandy and I should go snake hunting. I am equally fascinated with them.
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That WAS a huge snake. And then the one in the bathroom! Hello! !! Yes. Burn it! .
I’m still giggling after this read 🙂
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Cone to Europe! Less harsh winters and NO snakes – plus pedigree ponies with lines that fascinate you ;-p
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Literally just went to make sure none were coming up the toilet. Hella no.
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